Domestic violence is an issue for gay men as much as it is for those in straight households. And if you are a victim, you don’t need to suffer in silence, there is help available. David McGillivray reports…
Christmas is the time of goodwill to all men? Ironically it’s also the time when instances of domestic abuse and violence soar. The image of Christmas that sells chain store cranberry sauce and mince pies – the family united around the dinner table in happy harmony – means little to those of us who dread the conflict of the holiday season. We might be estranged from our family or partner for 355 days a year, and then forced back together by religious tradition for the other ten. Some of us in ongoing difficult relationships may find that at Christmas and the New Year we have to spend 24 hours a day, day after day, with an abusive partner. Let’s be quite clear that we’re not talking here about arguments over which TV channel to watch. We’re talking about emotional and physical brutality. “Christmas is a good opportunity to raise awareness,” says Stonewall Housing Chief Executive Bob Green. “A lot of people celebrating need to consider other members of our community who are experiencing a more anxious time.”
The notion that these people are all in some substrata of society that we have no contact with needs to be dispelled. They could be our friends or relations. They could be us. We don’t always recognise ourselves as victims. The Metropolitan Police’s domestic violence unit claims that there’s no typical victim or indeed perpetrator and that domestic violence crosses all boundaries of race, faith and social background. If there’s a typical scenario, it involves the deadly combination of stress and alcohol. This makes Christmas the most dangerous time of the year. It’s the period when we’re most worried about the year ahead and when we try to deal with that worry by drinking more.
Instances of domestic abuse and violence soar in December.
Instances of domestic abuse and violence soar in December. But although too many crimes still go unreported, the days are gone when most gay men felt that the police wouldn’t believe a claim of rape. “There’s more trust in us than ever before,” says Stratton.
Now’s the time, as Bob Green says, to be more aware of those who may need our help. Newcomers to London may not know their rights. If you suspect that a friend may be spending the holiday season with someone you don’t trust, find out more. Or if you yourself think you’re at risk, but are not ready to leave a relationship, please read the information below. There are a lot of trained professionals who can give you advice about increasing your safety this Christmas and New Year. If you’re in extreme circumstances, you shouldn’t wait until Christmas Day to try and get help. Pick up the phone now. Emergency accommodation can be arranged. Nobody should be looking at the calendar, fearful that the most miserable ten days of the year are approaching.
.
In any emergency at any time dial 999. Otherwise report domestic abuse or violence at any police station – every London borough now has an LGBT liaison officer – or online at www.met.police.uk.
.
- The Stonewall Housing office number is 020 7359 6242. There’s also an advice line – 020 7359 5767 – but this doesn’t operate on public holidays.
- GALOP Our helpline is for LGBT+ people experiencing abuse or violence, such as hate crime, domestic abuse, sexual violence, so-called “conversion therapy” or any other kind of abuse. https://galop.org.uk/get-help/helplines/
