I’M COMING OUT

… sang Diana Ross once upon a very long time ago. But the road to the ‘big reveal’ isn’t always so glitterous. Scene queens and club folk share their personal recollections of their own big gay out…

 

PHIL MARRIOTT

GaydarRadio presenter and DJ

I came out to my parents on the telephone, which was not ideal for either of us. It was the easiest way of doing it because I was living in London, and my parents were living in Cornwall. My partner and I were due to visit at Christmas a month later, and although they’d already met, I wanted my folks to know that my partner was my boyfriend and not just a mate. On hearing the announcement, my mum froze up, unable to speak. On putting the phone down, I felt terrible guilt, so I phoned her back. My father answered with, “You know you’ve devastated your mother don’t you”, which made me feel numb inside. She was so shocked, she had to go and have a hot bath! Although the initial coming out process was difficult, the honesty eventually brought us much closer together.

Phil Marriott presents the ‘Club i’ Pride London party – ‘Love & Dancing: a tribute to the Human League’ – on Friday 1st July at Factory 65, Vauxhall. Exclusive PA from Northern Kind.

 

PATRICK CASH

Editorial Assistant, QX magazine

 

Coming out to my friends was fine: the people I had around me back in Bristol when I was seventeen I still know now, and our close bonds helped me in every way I could have wished. I had people to confide in and assuage any worries I harboured. However, telling my parents was a different matter. Although we’re a close and loving family, they’re both staunchly Catholic, a religion within which I was raised ‘til my rebellion against God and theology in the mid-teens. However, as easily as I could tell them I didn’t believe in God, I couldn’t tell them I was gay. Until, that is, I was twenty-three and working in a gay bar. A regular, aged about 50, commented upon some pop star playing on the video screens ‘when is he gonna come out?’ One of my colleagues turned to him and said ‘you’re 50 and you still haven’t told your parents, who are you to talk?’ I realised I couldn’t end up that way, so I did it the next week. And, of course, it was fine!

 

MISS KIMBERLEY

Cabaret performer

Of course coming out to your parents is hard. I was going to theatre school in New York and gave my mother so many hints that did not sink in. I thought she would put two and two together, but she never did. How did everyone in school, church and on the streets know except my mother is a mystery I will never solve, unless she was lying. Shortly after I moved to London, I became flustered by her not knowing after all the signs I had given her. I just shouted it out on a transatlantic phone conversation. She cried and cried and I just thought to myself, what a relief. I never had to tell my dad because he told me when I was very young. It’s weird when I think about it because my mother is an academic and my father is a trucker!

‘The Mzz Kimberley Show’ is every Sunday upstairs at The Cambria (40 Kemerton Road, Camberwell, SE5 9AR) with weekly guest performers.

 

KELLY MILD

Cabaret performer

It was so difficult telling my beloved Nana that her favourite Grandson was gay. Now my Nana is not in the dark ages. She lives life to the full, has the wit of the devil and is a huge Shirley Bassey fan (hmmm wonder where I get that from). Still it was scary. I was crying when I called her. She asked what was wrong and I said I needed to talk to her “Is it drugs?” she said.

“No Nana I’m gay.”

“No you’re not. Well, ok are you sure?”

I said, “yes.”

She continued, “Marc I will always love you not matter what or who you are, but can you call me back at 8 ‘cos Corrie is about to start!” And it was as simple as that. Love you Nan!

Kelly Mild performs at ‘CK Sundays’ every Sunday at Halfway II Heaven.

 

TIMBERLINA

Drag star and cabaret performer

I came out to my nan once I met Mr Timberlina and while she found it morally abhorrent and against God, I explained that since God existed inside us all he probably meant it in a good way; in that he had also led me to become a sensational bearded lady hosting a successful bingo night at the RVT on Monday nights, and that this was a bit like going to church. She looked a bit confused, so I told her that God had also delivered the opportunity for me to be on telly to star in a special edition of ‘The Weakest Link’.  Somehow this made everything acceptable! Thanks to Anne Robinson.

Timberlina presents ‘Bingo Pub Night’ every Monday at the RVT.

 

 

CHRIS SELBY-RICKARDS

Popcorn promoter

I was never really “in.” I never had a problem with people knowing, or thinking I was gay… except my mother! (She was quite scary growing up!) My step-brother is gay and I think this mellowed her a lot to the idea but in the end, she essentially told me I was gay! We were having lunch one day when I was about 22 and she asked me if I was seeing anyone (me not thinking she thought I was) and when I said “yes”, she said, “what’s his name?” I nearly fell off my chair! She has been cool ever since.

Popcorn is every Monday at Heaven.

 

DUSTY O

DJ

When I was 13 I kept a diary. In fact it was more like a work of fiction and fantasy really. I was a lot more sexually active then than I am now, and was having it off with the paperboy who was 15. Of course, in my imagination, it was a love affair and not a wank behind the shed, so I elaborated it all in my diary. My mom has never valued the concept of privacy and came across it in my room and read the lot. I knew something was up as soon as I saw her face when I got in from school. It was like thunder. My sister told me she had caught her reading it, so I was shitting myself. However, she didn’t say anything for weeks. I was a nervous wreck. When she did say something, it was along the lines of “you’re too young to be doing that with boys or girls” and that was it! No drama, no row and no slap round the head. After that it was just taken for granted that I liked boys and nothing was ever said. My dad was the same. When I hear other people’s horror stories of rejection, I realize how lucky I am to have a mom like that. This year she is coming to Pride to see me perform in Trafalgar Square!

Dusty O will be performing his new single, ‘What 2 Do’, on the Trafalgar Square stage at Pride on Saturday 2nd July.

 

SIMON KILNER

Eagle London promoter

At 19 I finally plucked up the courage to come out to my Mother (a formidable lady who lived with her ‘best friend’ Trish). I was terrified, but after I finally did the deed she told me that she was a lesbian and had been in a gay relationship for the last nine years with Trish. It wasn’t a total surprise, but I did feel she slightly stole my thunder. She started coming out to everyone and going to gay bars and Pride marches leaving me, and my whole coming out, a bit overshadowed! Still, going to gay pride with my lesbian mother has always been a lot of fun. I feel very lucky to have such a cool mum!

Eagle is at 349 Kennington Lane, Vauxhall, SE11. See Musts & Maybes for details of various events.






 


 

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