The (alternative) Queen’s Christmas Message GOK WAN

Well here we are again getting our turkeys stuffed as George blows from the room next door. Whilst we fill our sacks, there is no better time than now to reminisce on the year gone by, and what a twelve months it has been…

How could we forget, or would even want to: The Queen’s jubilee; grown men jumping from space; News International having their wrists, ankles, elbows and noses slapped; Team GB’s Lycra being crowned king… and Rylan crowned queen! I hadn’t seen so many camel toes since I had lost all the weight and thrown away my jeggings!

So, in true end of year spirit, I would like to share my very own Gok awards with you, The Gwards if you will…


The 2012 award for ‘Most Controversial Strip’ goes to Prince Harry in Las Vegas – one was most pleased to peruse the said pictures on more than one occasion…get in!


‘Best Accidental Strip’ goes to Anne Hathaway
– did you all get a good look at her Les Mis!?


‘Best Dressed Male’ award goes to Douglas Booth
– Ooh, I would! More than ten times… forget that… I would until I stop breathing!


‘Best Dressed Female’ award goes to Blake Lively
– I would, even though I’m gay!


‘Best Transformation Award’ goes to Kirsten Stewart – just goes to show that some break-ups can have happy endings!


‘Best Gossip Headline’ goes to Alex Reid
– Like we never knew, hmmmmmmm….


‘Best Accidental Cleavage Award’ goes to Madonna
– Accidental, question mark?


‘Best Male Bulge’ goes to Louis Smith!
– He can pummel my horse any day!


‘Best Female Bulge[s]’ goes to Holly Willoughby
– now that’s what I call bangers!


‘Best Reality Moment’ goes to Rylan at the Judge’s homes
– and I thought I was gay!


And finally, what would a Christmas wish be without a pair of Middletons! What is not to love: one sister has a rear we would sell our molars for, and the other has a brother-in-law we would all sell our lungs for. Although, seriously, on a fashion note how wonderful to have a British export as demure and refined as the lovely lady Catherine!

Let your eyes and your knickers roll at this festive time of the year! Enjoy you and yours. And remember, it’s not what you know, but what you’re wearing when you know it!


Loads of Love, Auntie Gok