David Hoyle Marries Christeene!

Gay marriage has been a hot topic of late, seen by many as the defining issue of the LGBT rights movement. Despite legalisation, some still resist this development – but we’re sure that, had they been present at a certain recent ceremony, they would have been reassured that mainstream society has nothing to fear from queers tying the knot.

And so we proudly offer an eye-witness account of the union that had all London abuzz, between the glamorous, trailblazing artist and performer David Hoyle and Christeene Vale, the elegant debutante who has taken Texan high society by storm and whose own shows are increasingly celebrated on these shores.

For weeks, their arranged marriage – carefully brokered over recent months by esteemed matchmaker Lyall Hakaraia of Vogue Fabrics – has been the talk of the town.

 


With its flaking walls, low ceiling and negligible ventilation system, the basement of Dalston’s Vogue Fabrics made an idyllic setting for the sumptuous affair, centred around an improvised altar.

 


David serenades Christeene before the proceedings begin…

…then presents his gorgeous bride-to-be.

 


The wedding vows! Her voice thick with halting emotion, Christeene promised her “pony” (so cute!) “I want to hold on to your ponytail and follow you into that deep, dark sun”, to voyage together into the woods and let the birds in their mouths sing out as one.

“Christeene, will you be my legally wedded partner?” David asked.

“I will,” growled the bride in gravelly rapture. And the joyous deed was done!

 


The lovebirds embarked on a pre-nuptial artistic collaboration, with David singing ‘You Made Me Love You’, accompanied only by the dulcet tones of an MRI scanner, while Christeene painted an evocative depiction of a bucolic idyll.

 


Christeene summed up the occasion with sweet simplicity as she sprawled on the backs of her maids of honour, C Baby and T Gravel. “I is married now, motherfuckers,” she said. “I is married now.”

 


David revs up the engine for the happy couple to depart on their honeymoon.

 

• Adapted from a post on Ben’s blog, Not Television. 

• Read the full report at: www.nottelevision.net/ravishing-david-hoyle-weds-stunning-bride-christeene-lavish-ceremony-tropical-vogue-fabrics/

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