To mark the anniversary of their gay London podcast ‘Dylan and Jack’ we asked Dylan B Jones and Jack Cullen to give us their A-Z of London screamers.
They know far too many drag queens than the NHS would recommend. Weirdly the boys know a London drag queen for each letter of the alphabet apart from Q and X! So, over to you boys…
By Dylan & Jack
Discovered by Jonny Woo, Australian Aaron will soon be flying back to London for another summer of pretentious high art slag drag.
Tart with a dark heart and a stalwart of Soho’s back streets. We’ll never forget when she scolded a punter at the Admiral Duncan for ordering a Jagerbomb; “We don’t say bomb in ‘ERE, luv.”
Coco Femme Fontaine
She has dreams of becoming the world’s first drag queen detective, but at the moment she just buys cheese twists from Lidl and occasionally goes to East Bloc.
Runner up: Candy Vanity Heals
Perverse political purveyor of sleaze. A filthy mouth and disgusting lipstick to match. Smothered in Rimmel’s cheapest new range. Get the scat look.
Think Shilpa Shetty tossing off an Uber driver. She had an arranged marriage with Asifa Lahore but fell in the wedding cake and ruined it. Lambrini all round.
Thank fuck they’re not OUR family (the three Ys aren’t a typo, it’s artyyy).
Like Jesus, but even more Welsh, even more gay and even more popular. AND he made it past 31. Amen.
Runner up: Grace from G-A-Y Late
Biologically a woman, technically a Kinder Egg toy. Often found on a chair with a drink watching queens dance then saying stuff about it. Idol.
Came here from Manila in the 1980s to be in the original Miss Saigon. Bought a house in cash. Gets drunk for a living. Who’s laughing now? We love her sidekick CJ too, very good on the keys.
London’s premier drag host. She-Ra meets Princess Sheba meets Sheba cat food. We just can’t get enough. We don’t care how many nightbuses it takes to see John Sizzle.
Kandi Kane Baxter
Otherwise known as Charlie Hides, Youtube extraordinaire. His Madonna’s not as good as Nadya Ginsburg’s, but his Cher is legendary; “Oh if this wig could talk…the DNA of so many sailors…”
Jack went to Leed’s uni with Lloyd. She dropped out after a day, got a wig, a DJ gig, then a Vivienne Westwood deal, then toured the world with Ke$ha, while Jack worked his arse off for a 2:1. We just hope that she dies young so that the jealousy can end. We live our dreams vicariously through our Lady.
One to watch for 2015. Also we were trying to think of someone for M other than Ma Butcher, as devotees to her anti-fame.
Most drag queens sing but this one’s currently the fashion editor of Good Housekeeping! Insane. Nini has nearly blown her parents’ entire wedding fund for her in G-A-Y Late. What a martyr.
Star of our podcast’s Halloween Special in which he told us about his most horrifying one night stand, Oozing has the self-assigned accolade of being the world’s premier autistic green drag queen. His name is an activity, like bacteria, and he lives in Norwich when he doesn’t pull.
Remember Madame JoJo? Us neither. But Porscha does, and she’s buried under the Dusty boards.
SO fuckable and one of the best drag names to emerge in the last few minutes. She’s got a hosting job at WUT? Club, she’s got a can of Red Stripe, and she’s got money on her Oyster card. [photo: Lefteris]
Smiley was hands down 2014’s London breakthrough. We just can’t wait for the breakdown.
Runner up: Silver Summers
How else would Lady Lloyd get home or ever know what time of night it is?
Heroin chic princess of darkness. Can often be found on all fours in the middle of Old Street roundabout. Her step-dad’s a gardener on it.
Vanity Von Glow
V is for Vanity Von Glow! And we chose this picture because how sad that her Green Carnation residency is coming to an end. Internationally ignored and unfashionably late, Vanity Von Glow washed up in London with nothing but a piano, a dream and some poppers. Now she does the jingles for our podcast. Next stop: IMDB.
London’s lighthouse beacon of social equality, sexual freedom and dodgy makeup. If London was about to explode and drag queens had to vote which one of them could have a seat in an escape rocket, they would decide on Jonny Woo, only to then find that Ma Butcher had already gotten in, fastened her seat belt and taken off.
Now knocking around in Brighton and saving up for the train back. We hope one day she will return with a carving knife, wigs and all.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Not technically a drag queen, but hey we’ve reached Z and The Glory opens in 20 minutes so we’ve gotta get going…
You can find Dylan & Jack’s gay London podcast, sponsored by Aussiebum, on Soundcloud at soundcloud.com/dylanandjack, or subscribe on iTunes for free.