Welcome to the Egg Plant. A place where anyone can sound off about the queerest, campiest or kitschiest movies, TV shows, pop icons or beefcakes that have given them a hard-on for life. This week kween of the scene Oly Innes (right) unhinges his jaw about one of his all-time favourite teen movies: JAWBREAKER
Jawbreaker is very much the dark, underdog, estranged cousin of all the 90’s chick flicks. A cult classic which even went on to became a stage musical staring ‘Get Out (Leave)’ artiste JoJo in New York. While it might not be up there with She’s All That and 10 Things I Hate About You, it includes all the key ingredients of an awesome chick flick. There’s bitchy girls, a makeover, a killer soundtrack, terribly awesome late 90’s fashions and it all ends in a prom scene. Perfection!
Rose McGowan is sensational in the cuntiest role of her career. Her character, Courtney Shayne, is up there in the bitch stakes with Kathryn from Cruel Intentions and Mary Poppins.
The film begins with a group of teenage girls (all clearly in their mid-30s) kidnapping their “best friend” on her birthday. Then accidentally killing her by gagging her with a gobstopper, in the most camp and squeal-worthy opening in teen chick flick history!
“You gagged her with a jawbreaker?!”
Fern Mayo, the school loser witnesses the dead body so queen cuntress Courtney decides to give Fern the opportunity of a lifetime to keep her on side; by making her popular! Cue makeover scene! Squeal!
Movie highlights all involve Rose McGowan’s character being a filthy bitch. One of them is her then-husband Marilyn Manson in a quick cameo where he does her doggy-style. Another being a scene where she teaches the Buffest Guy Ever how to give head to a Popsicle,
“I want to Dane, I want to really bad but the problem is I’ve forgotten how, but if you could just show me…?”
SPOILER! The movie ends with the unforgettable prom scene where a recording of Courtney admitting to killing her friend is played over the microphone, just as she’s crowned prom queen. It’s an amazingly camp Carrie-esque finale that leaves you screaming “I killed Liz. I killed the teen dream. Deal with it.” Over and over again.
“They’ll believe it because it’s their worst nightmare: Elizabeth Purr, the very picture of teenage perfection, obliterated by perversion.”
“Ok, reality check: Liz is in the trunk of this car. And she is dead. That is a sad, fucked up thing. But you are going to walk into that school and strut your shit down the hallway like everything is peachy fucking keen.”
“Never send a rose unless dyed black as a warning. And if one is sent to you, destroy it along with the sender. Emotionally, of course, it’s not like we kill people… on purpose.”