Candy Vanity Heals is known for three things; Assaulting twinks, spilling drinks and answering stupid questions. We sat down with her and talked Tom Daley, chewing gum and stealing dresses from Debenhams.
Describe Candy Vanity Heals in one short sentence.
The love child of Marilyn Manson and Shelly from the House Bunny. If I had to describe her in three words I’d say she’s sassy, horny and stupid.
If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
I’d probably be a raccoon. I love how cute and naughty they are. If I couldn’t be a raccoon I’d be a mermaidunicornbarbie. Those are cute too.
Which five celebrities would you invite to an after party at your flat?
Maybe Wynona Ryder, because if we become friends I can get her to steal dresses from Debenhams. I’d invite Kim Kardashian too because I’d really like to know who she is. Kirsty Alley! We could get drunk and cry about our big dress sizes. Lana Del Rey, because she’s always high and her pussy tastes like Pepsi. And Ryan Philippe coz we’ll need a hot guy to gang-bang.
What house would you be in Harry Potter? Why?
House of Labeija! “Touch this skin honey! Touch all of this skin darling! You can’t take it! You’re just an overgrown orangutan!” I would get in to any house with Harry Potter if he promised to get dirty with me there.
Shag, Marry, Avoid; Alexandra Burke, Jeremy Corbyn, Kim Davis.
Who are these people? Marry Tom Daley and avoid you! Can I offer you some chewing gum dear?
“The love child of Marilyn Manson and Shelly from the House Bunny”
What’s Candy’s plan for world domination?
It’s like asking Garfield the same question. Let me just raise my brows.
What would you take to a desert island?
My harem of twinks and lots of alcohol. They know how to hunt. They all have Grindr.
We know that’s your natural hair, but if you DID wear wigs, who would be your WIGSPIRATION?
I was just thinking about this today. I really want to try wearing wigs! You know me! I’m a big girl. The bigger the better. Big hair, big lashes, big tits and ass. Giiiiirl you don’t know the half of it…. And Felicia Van Cartier from Popcorn inspires me the most. When you’re expecting her to turn up with a good hairdo, she still can surprise you by not doing that.
What are your plans for the future? (Or at least until next week’s Popcorn).
The first show of Candy’s Cabaret was very promising. I already booked some of my favourite drag artists for the next two months but I’m approaching fabulous talents and big names from the burlesque scene too. We will make sure that Candy’ Cabaret is always providing something memorable and fun! And I have lots of things in mind! Most times that’s why I can’t see any of them clearly. I want to start a YouTube show soon. I’m uploading my silly short videos from Popcorn and people seem to love them.
What’s the way to Candy Vanity Heals’ heart?
Two compliments, a few gin and tonics and my legs spread like peanut butter! Oh wait…what heart?
• Candy’s Cabaret is at Popcorn Heaven in the Departure Lounge every Monday night. Discount entry wristbands available from G.A.Y Bar.
