LGBT History Month was founded by the education charity Schools OUT, and its theme for 2016 is Faith, Belief and Philosophy. Joey Knock, a Stonewall supporter who works for Christian Aid, talks about how his faith impacted his coming out.
Who defined your coming out? I defined mine, but two figures crucially shaped when and how I did it: God and my brother. I realised I was gay when I was 16. I still have the letter I wrote to myself, because I didn’t know how else to deal with it. My life was going to an all-boys school, an all-boys choir and church every Sunday. They weren’t safe places to explore sexuality, so I ignored the questions and got on with life.
Then my brother came out. My evangelical Christian brother was suddenly gay (or so it seemed to me). Many of his friends were fantastically supportive. Others made their views clear and he left the church. I looked at my brother and thought I’d either be gay or be a Christian. I was wrong.
Like a lot of people, I found space at university to understand myself. I headed straight for the Chaplaincy and the gospel choir. It was what I grew up doing, now with different voices. I heard guys talking about the men they fancied one minute and singing songs of praise the next. For the first time I had friends who were gay Christians, showing me it wasn’t an ‘either/or ‘choice’.
That summer I came out to my friends and family, strengthened by two simple truths: God loves me and I like men. But when I graduated, the world beyond campus didn’t look so safe. I worked at a church school, then two Christian charities. I didn’t come out to any colleagues for over two years, telling myself it was irrelevant. I sat in church as others prayed for the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. I carefully described my brother’s ‘partner’, not his ‘boyfriend’.
“Staying silent perpetuates the vile myth that God, Jesus and Christians don’t like gays, even though surveys show ever-growing levels of support”.
I was gay and Christian, but not at the same time. It was easier to stay silent than risk someone’s judgement. But if you don’t speak for yourself, others will wrongly claim that authority to speak for you. Most painfully, I sat in a London church as the guest speaker proclaimed Britain was broken because we had welcomed the wickedness of same-sex parenting. I walked out before her diatribe ended.
Staying silent perpetuates the vile myth that God, Jesus and Christians don’t like gays, even though surveys show ever-growing levels of support. I believe in a God of love, who made every human in his image with a dignity that no one can steal. I believe in a God who made us to love without labels and wants me to enjoy relationships with men. It’s taken me five years to accept that and speak freely to my colleagues, friends and churchgoers as a gay Christian. The questions I now have about my faith come from being human, not my sexuality or other people’s judgement.
I’m not standing alone. There are plenty of proudly Inclusive Churches and LGBT networks across the capital and the country. My employer Christian Aid has recently started a sexuality network. It’s a space for staff to talk and ask how sexuality is part of our work to end poverty and bring equality for all.
I’m still inspired by my role models. There’s popstar-turned-priest Richard Coles, my old music teacher Mr Naylor who helps at the weekly Mass and my colleague Ben who told us he’s gay on our first day group induction. I still look at my brother and wish more friends told him ‘God is love, not heterosexual’. Perhaps the right people were always there. The first person he came out to was our church friend Bec. Next month she’ll be the Best Gal at his wedding.
• Joey Knock is a Stonewall supporter and works for Christian Aid.
• You can learn more about Stonewall’s work for LGBT History Month at www.stonewall.org.uk/lgbthistorymonth
