I feel like someone needs to sit Gwen Stefani down and have a word.
We’ve had three singles in a row from her upcoming album “This is What the Truth Feels Like” and Dom Pop ain’t feeling it.
“Used to Love You” was alright, for a musical moan about her ex, that is. Although using one long “reaction shot” as a music video was somewhat misguided, considering her face’s…. shall we say, mobility status. ProTip: trying to emote is usually easier when you have full control of your facial faculties, Gwennie darling. Anyway then we got “Make Me Like You”, which not even filming a live video for at the Whothefuckremembers Music Awards could save.
Now we have the cheerfully-titled ‘Misery’. Well, that sounds rosy. What could it be about? Being a rich girl on a pirate ship? Being a super hot female? BLOWING YA MIND?
No. Of course it’s not. It’s about bloody Gavin Rossdale again. Look, cari, I know that getting dicked over by your has-been husband and slutty nanny (slanny?) that tries to Single White Female you must be traumatic, but this is not the Gwen Stefani we signed on for. I feel like this material would have been more appropriate for the No Doubt reunion. Gwen could have been all ‘Don’t Speak’ with the boys again and got all the angst out of her system, freeing her up to then give us a solo album full of POP DELIGHTS and HOT SENSATIONS. Remember ‘Bubble Pop Electric’? Remember ‘Cool’? ‘What You Waiting For?’ REMEMBER ‘WIND IT BLOODY UP’? Sorry we’re getting worked up, but that’s because we know how good you can be Gwendolyn!
Give the Harajuku girls a buzz, go back to Japan, start some fights at school, shit some B-A-N-A-N-AS. Do anything that will bring us the weird, wonderful candy-coated pop of Love Angel Music Baby and The Sweet Escape. Because quite frankly, if this is what your current truth sounds like babe, we probably don’t want to hear it.
