We don’t care if you’ve read a few issues of Vogue, or done half a fashion communications course at Central Saint Martins, once spilled a glass of cheap plonk down Alexa Chung’s Peter Pan collar dress at the launch of a shit restaurant in Camden.
You think you know fashion? Well you DON’T. Don’t even try to tell us you thought Mimi Wade’s graduate collection was “a gorgeous celebration of the 50’s” or that you once sucked off William Baker in the toilets of The Groucho. We don’t care. Because THIS is what you need to really know about fashion. QX Magazine. This is where it’s at. The founders of faddism, the artisans of aesthetic, the…tastemakers! Basically, we say what’s cool.
If you’re surprised about all this, it’s because we’ve only just decided we’re a fashion magazine. Like, just now. Today. So keep an eye on Fashion Monitor and WATCH. THIS. SPACE. Because in a year’s time, what you’re wearing will have been chosen for you by the people in this room. From a pile of stuff.
We’re kicking off our new-found chic joie-de-vivre with LOOKS TO TRY FOR PRIDE. A guide to the essential fashion to cobble together whilst you spend the next couple of days trudging through a sea of plastic beakers and rainbow flags to get to Trafalgar Square.
The “Effy from Skins” Look
Now this is all about the aesthetic. It doesn’t have to be exactly like Effy, it’s about capturing Effy’s ESSENCE. That tousle-haired, just-woke-up-in-a-toilet-cubicle-in-my-own-vomit-handcuffed-to-a-male-escort vibe. And let’s face it, for most of us that wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. We love Effy from Skins. She likes boys, booze, and bitching, which is all very QX.
SHOP THE LOOK
Army Boots – We’ve all got a pair of army boots lying around from when Adam Lambert’s first album came out. If not, All Saints are great for boots, but pricey. Probably over the £100 mark. If you can’t afford that, pop down to Camden Market or Spitalfields, where, with a bit of luck, you’ll find a good vintage pair for around £50.
Lots of Shit Jewellery – Crucifix necklaces, Elven rings, cheap tat bangles, the lot. The girls’ sections of Primark and Topshop are GREAT for twee twiddly little rings and necklaces, with ornate carvings and connector chains and stuff. They fall apart pretty quickly but who cares, you’ll probably lose them anyway.
A packet of Malboros – Eight quid from your local corner shop.
Smokey Eye Makeup – Buy some eyebrow pencil from Boots, smear it under your eyes, then put your head in a bucket of water, and you’ll pretty much have the Effy look.
The “Toys-R-Sluts” Look
Toys-R-Sluts is a new(ish) London club night concept pioneered by some of our fave up and coming club kids, like TeTe Bang, Chema Diaz, Candy Ken and the fabulously disruptive Lewis G Burton (he’s a look to try in his own right, if you don’t know him look him up.
Ursula meets a rubbish dump). To get an idea of Toys-R-Sluts’ whole vibe, imagine if Hello Kitty started messaging everyone on Scruff and asking them to come over and gang bang her.
It’s kawaii meets KY, fantasia meets fetish. The look we’ve included here is Candy Ken, who goes for the tacky slut look, which we totally love and is totally a thing.
You can also go with other variations on the Toys-R-Sluts aesthetic, like rubber bright green boob-straps, long flared pink satin trousers, or neon braids. It’s up to you!
SHOP THE LOOK
Pink Diesel boxers – Nick some off a one-night-stand (one-night-stands ALWAYS seem to wear Diesel boxers) or go to diesel.com where you can get them from £24.
Gold mouth guard – Brixton Market! You can pick one up for around £20. Fake, not real gold, obviously.
Hello Kitty socks – Little girls’ ones available from H&M for £5.
Hello Kitty tiara – amazon.com, £20.
The “Adam Rickitt I Breathe Again” Look
As with Effy, it’s more about capturing the AESTHETIC. Because if you did the actual I Breathe Again look, you’d be naked in a Perspex box.
Which may well happen. But yes, the Adam Rickitt I Breathe Again aesthetic is basically basic twink chic. Like, dress like a basic twink, with a hint of sad surfer. But do it ironically, so it’s cool. Very Queer As Folk, very 90s revival.
Thanks to people like Olly Alexander, the 90s are BACK and so are twinks.
SHOP THE LOOK
Blonde curtains – essential. Dye your hair blonde and style it into curtains.
Some sort of awful wooden bead necklace – Where do you even get one of these? Camden Market again maybe. Although you might have to wrestle it from the greasy clutches of a woefully misguided Texan tourist. And don’t you dare pay more than £1.50 for it.
An oversized sweater – Annoying twinks ALWAYS have oversized sweaters. With long cuffs that they pull at and chew in a pathetic attempt to “be cute”. You can get one from Primark for a fiver, or from a charity shop for 50p.
The “John Sizzle” Look
As we all know by now, John Sizzle is the world’s best DJ, and he’s had more bottle of prosecco than you’ve had hot dinners. Trendsetting, trendy and trending, Sizzle is a visual rollercoaster, stunning the city’s most significant fashion and media moguls.
He once made Gail Porter put down her glass of cider and say “crikey!”. Sizzle’s looks are many and varied, from “Princess Diana at a chemsesh” to “Astronaut Jane Fonda”. For now we’ve gone with what seems to be his current trademark: A cape and high-heeled ankle boots.
SHOP THE LOOK
A black cape – we’re not sure where he got it. We feel like it started off as a strip of fabric destined for a Hindi bridesmaid. Little did they know. We’ll give it a guess: Black iridescent fabric from Bethnal Green Bridal Parlour, £5 per metre (we’ve completely made that up, but there’s a good chance we’re somewhere near the mark).
High-heeled ankle boots – And they have to be lace-up, and shiny leather! Or at least pleather. Again this is a guess, but you could probably find a pair in River Island for twenty quid. Or New Look.
A bottle of prosecco – Six quid, Sainsburys. Bish bash bosh.
Bob’s your uncle, John Sizzle’s your aunt.
