QX Magazine’s Childhood Crushes

Childhood Crushes feature

WELL here’s another ridiculous article about inappropriate, Freudian crushes on bizarre men, Ladies and gentlemen, QX Magazine! *Takes off hat, bows*, this time, it’s childhood Crushes! Those ripple-torsoed, rosary-bead-wearing, eyebrow-pierced Adonises that gave you your first wee tingle downstairs when you were a bairn! Sorry, we’ve gone all Scottish!

That Silver Summer is to blame. She’s one giraffe short of a zoo that one. Helloooo dear!

Anyway, these hair-gelled honeyz won bedroom wall poster status. Or, if you were in the closet, torn out of magazines and hidden in your underwear drawer status. If there are any iconic ones we’ve missed, tweet us @QXMagazine, and we won’t reply.

Steve Jones off of T4

We all pulled a sickie from school to sit on the sofa and wank over Steve Jones didn’t we. Did we? Well, WE did. He had it all – the biceps, the Welsh accent, the olive skin, the same polo shirt in a hundred different shades of pastel. That was back in the golden days of T4, when Miquita Oliver still had a nose and June Sarpong still had a voice. Then Steve Jones tried to “break America” and we never saw him again. He’s probably on all fours in a cage in Melania Trump’s basement. Hot.

Pete off of Big Brother

Now, this is a bit of a niche choice but we know we’re not alone in it. He was so lovely and cheeky, and had right nice teeth. He’s the sort of chap you’d get off with at a rave in Bristol, then wake up with in a field somewhere. He was all about bandanas and camoflage trousers which, if you know any QX journalists, are not too far off from our personal brand #branding

The dad off  My Parents are Aliens

This was a really weird one. Actually, we take it back. Forget we said anything.

Simon off of Blue

Come THROOOOUGH Simon from Blue! Cheekbones for days! Yas kween! Totes the hottest member. Sorry Duncan. You could grate cheese on those abs. Which leads us nicely into our next crush…

Abs off of Five

Abs from the popular (well, not that popular) boyband, Five! Abs looks like a right sort. He’d finger you behind the bike sheds then eat Dairylea Dunkers without washing his hands.

Craig off of Corrie

We were OBSESSED with Craig off of Corrie, and so jealous of that slag Rosie Webster, she didn’t deserve him. She didn’t even have to try, just whapped on a crop top he was wrapped around her little finger. He was exactly how we like our men – hot, straight and dumb.

Kiera Knightley off of movies

From the moment we saw her rushing breathily around a ship on Pirates of The Caribbean, Keira Knightley was our weird gay/closet/bisexual crush. You know the person you TELL everyone at school you fancy, when actually you fancy the dad from My Parents Are Aliens. We’re not sure why it was Keira Knightley.

Joey off of Friends

Joey was the ONLY fit male Friend really wasn’t he. Ross was too goofy and Chandler was a right screwface. And, actually, Matt Leblanc has only got better with age, he’s a right silver fox now! And he just looks like he’s got a nice big thick cock.

 

 

 

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