Salaciously celestial predictions from deep witch Cassandra!
Hello boys. My name’s Cassandra. I became a little bit of a gay icon in 3000 B.C and have had a faithful following ever since!
I was a real bohemian girl, surrounded by many gays and other polyamorous hedonists: artists, philosophers, politicians. I was astrological advisor to Aristotle; fag hag of Plato.
In my stay at QX, I create an astrological chart each month, and draw my interpretations from it to advise and guide you around the starry affects!
March 21st – April 19th
A whole tapestry of colours and gradations you’ll be able to weave this month, Aries. Your knitting needle may get caught and tangled, yes, and your threads may get kinked — but untangle that yarn, go back, and keep expanding that network in the right direction again (and that isn’t an innuendo, you libidinous Martian!)
April 20th – May 20th
Taurus is a sign of beauty dear sir, and you need to realise it! You stay looking gruff and don’t pay attention to the natural bone structure composed by Venus herself unto you has many admirers circling around you! You just carry on with manual labour like such a man! It’s time to step up to the plate Taurus — acknowledge your beauty and charisma, notice the love reaction! There’s a lovely man around who is a nice balance to your masculine machismo.
May 21st – June 20th
Another famous Gemini, is none other than KYLIE herself. You’re a bubbly fun disco queen with so many interests, flitting about like a butterfly, and full of little nuggets of information! You have your fingers in so many pies it’s hard to know which one is which sometimes! Eclectic though you are, “the sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus”, and it’s time for you to use that mental encyclopaedia of yours to manifest something applicable and useful to the real world! You have the ingeniousness.
June 21st – July 22nd
Flatulence could be especially problematic for you this month, Cancer: most likely from the planet of Mars, known for its pungent terrain and atmosphere said to smell like rotten eggs, being a prominent transistar. Vegetables such as artichokes, asparagus, broccoli, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, cucumbers, green peppers, onions, radishes, celery and carrots should be avoided. Though, the trine formed with Venus may have your latest lover finding a shock blow-off quite endearing and something to laugh about together! But keep Uranus clean!
July 23rd – August 22nd
You’ve been shying away from the limelight this month, Leo. Though you’re a natural performer a much needed break was needed so you can recharge, reflect, transform, and gather your energies. The galvanising-into-action energy of Mars though means you’re ready to make a comeback with the gravity of a great Cher hit! It could emerge in the form of hosting a fabulous dinner party, where your wit, talents, and sunny charisma and warmth shine upon everyone there.
August 23rd – September 22nd
You may have been being obsessive this month, Virgo. Analysing everything under the sun (Mercury is literally under the sun this month). If the situation is over or you know it should be, it is only masochism! Mars says to take action — just as with jumping into a pool of cold water, you feel the initial shock, but after a few seconds, you acclimate — you will acclimate to your new circumstances and surroundings. Take a plunge!
September 23rd – October 22nd
Far across the distance, you hear a call. Strange phenomenas seem to be springing up in waves of synchronicity. Perhaps research into ancient esoteric crafts, practices and knowledge, to quell the mysterious voices and bring about the message that is being sent to you. An older man may have some answers in a dusty book store. A former friend may be coming back into the picture too…
October 23rd – November 21st
You’re sick and tired of people saying how deadly you are! You may have even been particularly irked at how your horoscope here the previous month compared you to Sharon Stone’s man-eating, ice pick wielding character in Basic Instinct! You’re a multi-faceted person and this month you want your tender, generous, and easy-going side to be seen. Perhaps you can show this via an unexpected gift, surprise trip, or general meet-up with a couple of friends!
November 22nd – December 21st
You’re exuding energy purposefully into someone’s eyes; charming and flirting with them, and then jumping back into the shadows. Dipping your bread into the pool and teasing the fishes that clamour to the surfaces to feed. The ones you are attracting and attracted to is a very ‘different’ person. They symbolise an archetype or facet of yourself that you have previously been disturbed by and repressed: but this bubbling repression is what creates the hotness of the John-sizzle when it is finally released!
December 22nd – January 19th
“I’ve been out on that open road, but you can be my full time daddy hot or cold.” Capricorn is usually a sign that exceeds its numerical years, and impresses upon other signs of its maturity. You will cross paths with a man much older than you. He will make you remember your youthfulness and innocence again, while being impressed at how old in soul you are. A great union of mind and body could happen, as you relinquish control and let love take you.
January 20th – February 18th
You are doing well in some kind of managerial or supervising position — your creative ideas will innovate the previous incarnation of something — be it the company’s old ways of doing things, or an old tradition. Mars makes you bring it into action and manifest it. Guys will be really impressed by your self-assuredness, cool demeanour, and quirkiness! You might just leave it as enjoyable admirers rather than having any flings though.
February 19th – March 20th
“Lightening strikes, maybe once, maybe twice”. You’ve been looking for that second strike, you’ve been going to the beach a lot, riding the underground, walking along boulevards. You can create the conditions for yourself this month. Mars says something will bump you from behind — don’t dart away as soon as you feel it! It could be a good omen.