In this week’s cabaret segment, Jason Reid meets Lisa Q Jones
Lisa Q Jones is the brassy, sassy hair stylist who hails from Birmingham, Alabama in the good ol’ US of A. When she’s not blow-drying for her life there’s only one thing on her mind: PARTYING! Jason Reid dropped in on Lisa this week for a sticky fingered head massage and a chat. He even managed to get a word in now and then…
Hi Lisa, what brought you to the UK?
Have you seen the state of my country? Trump wants to make America ‘Great Again’, but Britain never stopped being ‘Great.’
How have you found London life so far?
Y’all are just the friendliest bunch of people here in the UK, but you really don’t like to make small talk or direct eye contact on the Tube. Once again, I found that out the hard way.
Most of our readers probably hadn’t heard of Alabama until…recently. What is your home state most famous for?
Besides our racist, child-molesting politicians, we’re particularly proud of the quality of our meth. I’m pretty famous in Pickens County – mainly because I’m the only person with all my own teeth.
Are your family still living there? And how do the kids cope when you’re away?
Yes, most of my family is still in Pork Spit Hollow, a few miles outside of Tuscaloosa. My kids, Jack Daniels, Chardonnay and Lambrini stay with my momma when I travel, coz apparently you can’t leave them in a parked car with the window cracked anymore. I found THAT out the hard way too!
How would you describe yourself? I’m getting Steel Magnolias crossed with Gemma Collins, which is a total compliment because they’re both camporama.
Well, that’s just about the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. On Tinder, I describe myself as, ‘hotter than a hooker’s doorknob on payday!’
You know Charlie Hides pretty well, right? He’s had an amazing year. Does he still talk to you?
Talk to me? He’s blocked me on all social media and he took out a restraining order. That’s why you never see us together anymore.
What does your average day consist of?
Honey, I’m busier than a three-tailed cat in a room full or rocking chairs. I’m always moving. When I’m home in the morning, I home-school my kids; in the afternoon I’m in my salon, Curl Up & Dye, dealing with women with Groupon vouchers who look like Ann Widdecombe and expect a root touch up and blow dry to turn them into Kylie. At night I’m doing what I really love: drinking and dancing on the bar in nightclubs. Then I wake up in a puddle of my own sick and do it all over again.
Whose hair would you love to get your hands on and fix?
Someone needs to sort out the dead possum that Trump wears on his head. But it ain’t gonna be me. I may have low standards but Trump is lower than a snakes trail in a wagon rut. If he was on fire and I was holding a bottle of beer, I’d chug a lug the beer… and then glass him.
Lisa Q Jones will be performing at The Compton Cross, Soho on Tuesday 14th February.