The camp screenings you HAVE to check out this Halloween…

When you’re not watching a poor little white girl in the woods getting disembowelled, halloween movies can be capital C-A-M-P. Those other movies always have some sexy girl in a bikini getting terrorised by a big man in a mask, why straight people? WHY? Does she need to be half naked when he’s hacking off one of her limbs? We’re way more into a kitschy Disney channel halloween movie, than flesh eating bacteria and rotting flesh realness and if there isn’t a lavish musical number FORGET IT. 

Leaving the gore at the door, The Grand down in Clapham are going full throttle on that ookie-spooky, ding-dang-dookie vibe. Slap on a warty witch nose and a pair of ripped fishnets, it’s time to get moving to the movies. A Grand screening is something every Londoner HAS to check out. Expect themed cocktails, a crowd of eager super fans and a dash of drag. 

Hocus Pocus – Sunday 28th, Monday 29th of October

The crowning glory of camp halloween festivities is Bette Midler as Winifred Sanderson. TRY and name a camper performance. The sass, the sarcasm, the commitment to slipping in a few “thy” and “thine”s is just Oscar worthy. Iconic quotes include:

“Oh look. Another glorious morning, makes me SICK”

“Why was I cursed with such idiot sisters!?”

“I AM CALM!!!!”

“GO TO HELL” “OH! I’ve been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely.”

The Rocky Horror Picture Show – Wednesday 24th, Thursday 25h of October

Yes, of course Tim Curry is iconic and groundbreaking as a sweet transvestite but we’re just OBSESSED with Susan Sarandon gagging for it. We feel her, this it literally us scrolling through Grindr on a Sunday morning after waking up with that hangover horn. We’re not sure who we’d want to be in this scene, getting touched up by an Oscar winner in her knickers or getting to feel up Rocky’s abs. We want the close up shot of the boob fondling on loop for the rest of time. Hosting will be drag legend Myra Bubois who left her self-control at her summer time-shar on planet Trasylvania. 

The Corpse Bride Tuesday 23rd of October

We’re just in LOVE with how petty this undead bitch is. There is no way she’s letting her man run off with some living hoe on the side. This is every guy turning up with his boyf to Heaven, and then seeing him chatting to a twink in the smoking area: “darling, who’s this?”. “I’M HIS WIFE”, bitch. We just wish this whole scene was done via Wendy Williams quotes:

“Have several seats, little girl.”

“The cheat-ation of the situation of the undead-alation”

Ghost Busters – Saturday 27th of October

Often overlooked, and Chris Hemsworth did her nasty in the re-make, a true halloween icon in Ghostbusters receptionist Annie Potts. Serving you dry sass, and going head to head  with the queen of dry sass Bill Murray, she’s a vixen in jam-pot glasses. She’s quit better jobs and this, and she’s not afraid to tell you. Giving you every homosexual at a call centre who’s counting down the hours until it’s home time. 

For tickets to any of these screenings, and to find out more, head over to ClaphamGrand.comPLUS get 25% off move tickets by using code QXMOVIE25%DISCOUNT. 

These screenings are NOT to be missed.

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