The whole world has gone royal MAD and frankly we’re just over it. From the wedding of some strange royal cousin called Eugenie (who looks at a baby and thinks ‘oh, she looks like a Eugenie’?!), and now Markle’s preggers!
We’re perplexed as to why people care about this family which they’ve never met. We CAN be persuaded to be into the American royal family, but at least the Kardashians get swept up in the monthly sexy sex scandal.
The royal sex scandals are always served with a side of naffness, whether it’s Charles as one of Camilla’s tampons or Fergie getting her toes sucked.
So we’re here with a list of things we care more about than the new royal baby. HERE WE GO:
- Jane McDonald, gay icon.
2. Loose Women Drama, we were team Kim Woodburn.
3. Azealia Banks selling soap for your boy pussy… TIGHTEN AND LIGHTEN!
https://twitter.com/SHOPCHEAPYXO/status/1050391905274597376
4. Before the Year Dot, June Brown’s memoire.
5. 78 year old Cliff Richard’s sexy 2018 calendar.
6. The flower-witch stylings of Lana Del Ray.
7. Katie Price storming out of rehab because they confiscated her phone.
8. Who can say ‘faggot’. Our choice has to be supernanny Jo Frost.
9. That stylist lady that was on 10 Years Younger with the tiny square glasses.
10. Melania Trump’s stylist.
11. Whenever John Krasinski takes his top off.
12. Da Kath and Kim Code, now streaming on Netflix.
13. Phoenix resident Jacqueline Ades who was arrested after sending her date 65,000 texts.
14. £1 Primark fake eye-lashes.
15. This absolute BOP:
16. Joanna Lumley’s Silk Road Adventure.
17. Spelling swear words in out aphabeti-sphaggetti. ‘Titties’, lol.
18. Listening for quotes from the Satanic Verses when listening to Beyonce songs backwards.
19. Getting a real British Icon on the £50 bill:
20. Literally ANYTHING else.
