29/03/12: When an invitation comes in from avant-garde cabaret terrorist, Scottee, to judge the final of the second Burger Queen contest alongside UK soul legend Lisa Stansfield, scene goddess Princess Julia, one Jasinta (RVT manager Jason Ried’s drag alter ego) and even Scottee’s mum (!) how could I decline?
More to the point, why am I – gym addicted, pectorally fixated, protein guzzling queen that is Cliff – qualified to pass judgment on anyone who is free of the constraints that come with calorie counting? Well, let me tell you a secret: inside me there is a fat person screaming to get out. (“Just the one, dear?” I hear you mock.)
Yes, I envy those people who have found the strength in themselves to fight the vitriol of the mass media and say “no”, they won’t feel pressurized into taking the blame for the so-called strain on the NHS, or that the obese are destroying society chip-by-chip. That actually, yes, you can be fat, happy and healthy!
And so to the contest that was devised to celebrate the fact that fat is, indeed, phat… and what a show! Round 1, ‘Trend’, had Sister Sledgehammer, The Beefer, Fatleen (all three of them gorgeous gals) and Gloria Swansong (the only male finalist) answer questions from hostess supreme Amy Lamé.
Sister Sledgehammer looked stunning in a black swimsuit, while Fatleen’s wonderful ‘Hamburglar’ outfit garnered huge cheers. Round 2 raised the stakes with The Beefer’s astute comedy, and there was a rousing call to arms for ‘fatties’ (her words not mine!) by Fatleen. As for Gloria’s rendition of ‘Bitch’ by Meredith Brooks – hilarious!
Finally to round 3, ‘Taste’, where each contestant served homemade grub. Gloria appealed directly to my inner fat gurl with his delightful brownies, with special mention to Sister Sledge’s Reese’s Pieces cake.
There was more entertainment to come as Scottee performed a live birth of a 1.5 litre bottle of Diet Coke, the Tenor Ladies (Scottee and Sami) reunited, and Lisa Stansfield (!) delivered an acapella take on ‘Cry Me A River’. Amazing.
But who would win? It was certainly a tight call, but the resounding winner, to huge whoops from the crowd, was a tearful Gloria. Congratulations!
Check out more photos from this event and plan your next night out with the ‘QX Gay London’ iPhone app. FREE from the iTunes app store.
RVT, 372 Kennington Lane, SE11 5HY
Words by Cliff Joannou
Photos by Holly Revell, www.hollyrevell.co.uk
