15/07/15: Last Wednesday was the finale of MISTER GLORY, the super-pub-queer-alt-performance-club-delight’s alternative male beauty pageant.
After covering our entire body in a thick layer of Right Guard and purloining a fan from La Pequeña, we headed down to Faggerston to see which boy would take the crown and the £1000 prize. Among the finalists were, according to John Sizzle, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary and Mary.
Thankfully mistress of ceremonies, Jonny Woo, was on hand to differentiate each hombre from each other for the audience. Thank god someone was on the ball.
Things kicked off with a relatively restrained eveningwear round, in which we were treated to sights like Matthew Gent’s pert buttocks nestled in suit trousers, Ray Noir in a SHIRT and Glory boy James Telford hoiking up his kilt. CULTURE! On to the talent round and it was… well, it was quite something.
There was a dancing Ewok complete with lightsaber, Lewis Burton lipsyncing to FKA Twigs whilst pulling dildos from bodily crevices and Giorgio Spiegelfeld doing something completely insane in gold sparkly pants while pouring beer over himself and raving to ‘Starships’. It was like an oddly sexual DJ Otzi video. By the swimwear round, everyone ended up more or less nude, while John Sizzle had his wig drenched and searched in vain for his toy saxophone.
The boys paraded their wares, with contortionist Max looking a particular delight. But it was furry Chewbacca aficionado Mika who took the title and the grand, after wowing celebrity judges Jodie Harsh, Wayne Shires, Cliff Joannou and approximately seven other members of the panel that disappeared through the night.
It was wet, it was wild, it was wonderful. It was MISTER GLORY.
The Glory, 281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS
Words by James Egan
Photos by Holly Revell
