03/06/15: We knew there’d be trouble as soon as we saw John Sizzle’s dress.
“It’s stitched together from old gay bingo t-shirts no-one wanted!” drawled Jonny Woo gleefully as Sizzle grinned and twirled. Three increasingly drunk guest judges (Timeout’s Sonya Barber, drag extraordinaire AManToPet and international slut Amber Waze) surveyed three increasingly naked contestants in three increasingly insane rounds. Eveningwear, talent, and swimwear. At first nobody seemed to know what cute contestant Alastair’s talent was. “She makes dildos from saliva and the Sun newspaper!” cackled John Sizzle. It turned out to be a reading of the lyrics of ‘Work Bitch’ in the style of a dramatic monologue. The swimwear round descended into anarchy as soon as hot, hairy Austrian Georgio poured bottles of an unidentified liquid on himself. Amber, incognisant with lust, leapt on him from the judging panel, and they both collapsed off the stage into a large inflatable palm tree. Lucky it was there really. Of course, Georgio was crowned the winner, sparkly gold hot pants and all. Head down next week to see who makes it through the second heat!
The Glory, 281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS
Words by Dylan Jones
Photos by Holly Revell
