Parties & PeopleXXL Wrestle

XXL Wrestle

12/04/14: Mark Ames and the team squeezed into their singlets and hit the mats for another macho foray into the homoerotic world of hardass he-men as XXL had themselves a barnyard wrassle with “Wrestle”.

Every Gladiator heeded the call from far and wide to enter the stadium and take on one another as the WWF met XXL in a no-holds-barred cage match that could only be settled like real men–on the dance floor!

Resident DJs Christian M., Alex Logan and Andy Almighty referreed the main room keeping the wrestlers in the ring with arena-style hard bass in a dazzling array of spotlights, lazers and confetti that would make any Lucha Libre blush neath his mask, while Joe Egg and Stuart Style harkened back to the halcyon days of our budding gym class locker room youth with 70’s retro hits in the Fur Lounge. Big screens in every room streaming hardcore MMA and soft-core wrestling porn.

Featherweights, Heavyweights and Sumos all paired up, squared up and went at it round after round in a pin it, ya win it free for all. While sexy singlet-clad newly muscle-marrieds Josh and Luke (congrats!) tussled, I kicked back in the groovy trippin’ day-glo chill out room with its oversized astroturf sofas that make my butt look sooo tiny–I love it!

There, everyone’s favourite wrestle-stud ‘Polish Pete’, with his shaved head and piercing blue eyes, taught me the ‘Krakow Krunch’, a headlock between his bulging bicep and pecs, ‘til you go ‘kruuunch’! Thanks coach!

Rattled, I wandered into a corridor and my glaucoma must have set in, cuz it suddelnly got very dark and I couldn’t see a thing! I was knocked around like a human pinball! I had to grope my way through the dark, twisting and turning every knob I could feel but no door would open. That’s where the real wrestling took place! I must’ve taken on every weight class there is and came out a champion! Finally, I saw a speck of brightness and like Carole Ann I walked towards the light til I made my way out.

Pulse, 1 Invicta Plaza, Southwark, SE1 9UF
Words by Tom Redkid
Photos by Mark Storey

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