BARELY-THERE NAUGHTY-WEAR

Guess what, boys – the poxy porn industry must be weeping in its grave! How cum?

Well, way, way back in the dim, pre-hysterical past, punters, gay and straight – shot their loads with the skankiest, ass-wipe porn imaginable! How times have changed; in 2012, you can barely lust without high-end pleasure options screaming for your holes!

Well, let’s thank Marc Almond, Immodesty Blaize and the sensual, Sexual Mafia for that; the times when venue seats were crusted with rancid pussy and weiner drippings are long gone. So, what’s taken the piss-poor sleaze out of Soho?

Frankly, artistry, darlings. Arguably spawned by the ground-breaking, hugely aesthetic pervery of Robert Mapplethorpe and the late, lamented Sebastian Horsley’s awesomely literate scatology, show time sex is art with a capital A!

And leading the pack? As always, inimitable burlesque king Chaz Royal, now celebrating ten years of fabulously-trimmed temptation. Come – and we do mean come – to Bush Hall on November 23rd and 24th, when he’ll be strumming every erogenous zone existing with a stellar cast of newbies and established talent.

Oh, but don’t wince; we’re not talking winkie-free zones! These days, burlesque includes everything from luscious boys to cuddly bears.

There’s The Baron, the sternest, S&M ringmaster you ever did see, Mr. Pustra, a gorgeous, befeathered Faberge fop, eclipsing Brian Eno at his Roxy Musix, debut fabbest; British Heart, a stencilled six-pack, tribal bruiser obviously AWOL from Spartacus; and the cuddlesome, bear-tastic buffonery of Big Chief Random Chaos.

Add the usual soupcon of body-buttered lady lovelies – with Banbury Cross and Buxotics luminary Luna Rose amongst them – and you’re perfectly strapped on for the subliminal, but swampingly sexual thrills Mr. Royal orchestrates like no other. Our advice? Be there, or mince forlorn and lonely in your underwear! Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

 Chaz Royal’s 10th Anniversary
• Bush Hall, Uxbridge Road. 23rd/24th November.

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