The Beyond Enterprise is preparing for interstellar flight on Sunday 31st July, with an (sigh, forgive us) OUT OF THIS WORLD DJ line-up in cluding PAGANO and more extraterrestrial tunes than you can shake your fazer at. So in celebration of this, James Egan hand picked some of his favourite intergalactic hunks,
who he’d love to see shaking their ass on the Enterprise this weekend…
Harrison Ford – Blade Runner
YES we know he’s in Star Wars too but he looked MUCH hotter in Blade Runner, so you’re just going to have to deal with it. Just look at that jaw. We’d have a run on HIS blade. And we don’t even know what the really means.
Young William Shatner – Star Trek
It’s hard to picture William Shatner without thinking of him crooning “She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’s Miss United States…” in Miss Congeniality, but once upon a time he was actually pretty hot. Back when he debuted in the first-ever series of Star Trek, he had something of the Marlon Brando about him. And THAT may just be the queerest sentence we have ever typed.
Colin Farrell – Total Recall (2012)
Full disclosure: haven’t even seen this film. But it’s Colin Farrell. The man makes your knicks slip off just by looking at you with those big brown eyes and furrowing that Basque brow. Oh my God. Colin. Take me. Remember when he went on a date with Britney? WHY DIDN’T YOU BREED WITH THAT ONE BRITNEY YOU ABSOLUTE NUTTER?!? Okay here’s a pic for you, because we need to go and calm down.
Stormtroopers – Star Wars
You can’t see their face, but you can see their COCK. Oh Jesus, that all went to seed a bit quickly. Lol. Seed. OKAY ENOUGH. It’s weird but kinky and there’s even a gay Stormtrooper gangbang porn so it’s CLEARLY a thing and we are not alone in this. Plus it turns out Hector De Silva is hiding under one of those suits, so even if it takes a hundred… we’re trying our suerte.
Chris Pratt – Guardians of the Galaxy
Ohhh, well, everybody loves a transformation and for his role in the blockbuster space comedy…thing, Chris Pratt definitely transformed. Going from that chunky (but fucking sexy) Andy on Parks & Rec, to a chiselled and buff space superhero on the big screen. We’d have him both ways (but we’ve got a soft spot for his chubbier days in truth, we like a big boy here at QX).
Chris Pine – Star Trek (2009 film)
Bit too perfect, but come on, the guy is like a living Ken doll. People are into that. So we’ve heard.
Jayne – Firefly/Serenity
The hero of Canton, the man they call JAYNE! Oh my god, he’s sexy. He also calls his cock his ‘swinging cod’, carries a massive gun and seems to be openly bisexual. Plus Firefly and Serenity are two of Joss Whedon’s finest works. Yes, we here at QX know our sci-fi. Well, enough to score with hot nerds at least. Anyway Jayne’s hot as fuck and watching him lick his hunting knife DOES THINGS to us.
To be obedient and scared? If we don’t embrace love and fellowship, then maybe as a species it’s time to become EXTINCT?! See you on the other side.
Buzz Lightyear – Toy Story
So. Okay. Yeah, he’s a toy. And he’s never been to space. And he’s actually just a PIXAR animation but… we sort of….would? He’s big and dumb and valiant. We ESPECIALLY would in Toy Story 3 when his factory settings get set to Spanish. Que fuerte, Senor Años Luz, follarme!
• Beyond Enterprise is on Sunday 31st July at Fire (South Lambeth Road, SW8 1RT), 4am – Superlate.
• £11 advance tickets by clicking the ticket link above and the usual soho vendors. £3 off b4 7am with concession guestlist/NUS card/flyer/hospitality payslip
