Imagine how cathartic it would be if there was a room somewhere in the ether where we could banish our everyday irks and concerns to complete obscurity. Imagine how quiet social media would be. In the spirit of the original Room 101, Jason Reid rounded up the all-new sparkling cabaret line up of Bloc Bar to see if there was anything they would consign to Dressing Room 101. It’s the kind of dressing room all of these artists have surely stumbled upon over the years; littered with empty barrels of beer (that’s your seat for the make up mirror), with old posters of Jeremy Clarkson and his Top Gear team on the wall, and a definite whiff of despair in the air…
Virgin Xtravagazah
I would totesballz like to banish PROCREATION to obscurity. I know I’m like the mother of Christ saying this or whateverandsuchas, but I mean, like, really? WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO KEEP HAPPENING?! The world is totes overpopulated, there’s no room on the sidewalk because of all the prams (especially if you live in Stoke Newington, I mean JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!), and all babies do to people is give people a false sense of entitlement. STOP LOOKING SO SMUG JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD SEX AND SOMETHING GREW INSIDE YOU AFTER IT!
Virgin performs at Bloc Cap Sessions on Sundays.
Vanity von Glow
Let’s get rid of gay men who communicate exclusively in memes. Our first world education system did not equip gay Londoners with vocabularies for them to be eschewed in favour of gifs of Michelle Williams falling over.
Vanity performs at Bloc Cap Sessions on Sundays
Meth
Any greedy, soulless, big business corporation who thinks they can attack and take away queer spaces for the sake of financial gain. And strawberries. I fucking hate strawberries.
Meth and the Family Fierce perform every Thursday.
Holestar
Femme, bi and transphobia has to go in. The gay scene is frequently more judgmental of those than heteronormative types. Some people are a bit camp, women too, and like dressing up or are between genders. So bloody what? Let them crack on with it instead of judging. Straight-looking/straight-acting culture and internalised loathing is utter nonsense. Pretend to be as straight as possible to appease the mainstream in case they think you’re a bit too Larry Grayson? Sod that. You like cock, love, there’s nothing straight about that.
Be who you are, love who you want.
Holestar’s Let’s Get Quizzical is every Tuesday.
LoUis CYfer
Anyone who calls a bread cake, a bap, a bun, or a barm cake is getting slung straight into Dressing Room 101. As a proud northerner, it’s wrong. So very wrong.
LoUis performs at Bloc Cap Sessions on Sundays.
Timberlina
Well I’d like to say the World Trade Organisation can fuck off but that’s because I’m reading a heavy book on environmentalism right now. Maybe Tony Blair? Hmmm, this is hard. Ok, to keep it fluffy I am going to conscribe Gwyneth Paltrow to Dressing Room 101 because then we can kill two birds with one stone by also taking down the tyranny that is her Goop.com empire.
Timberlina’s Bingo is every Wednesday.
Fagulous
I think ita’s got to be Paddy McGuinnes. I honestly don’t understand the purpose of him? Why was he invented?! He’s awfully tacky with his ‘stag do’ bravado. Bring back the camp queens of yesteryear I say.
Fagulous performs every Monday.
