As part of this special feature exclusive to QX, Jason Reid spoke to two popular London drag artists about their relationships with their partner: how they met, how drag has played a factor in those relationships, how they’ve evolved and grew together, and we also ponder, as a scene and society, is there still a certain taboo-like misogyny towards flamboyancy that makes it harder for drag queens to find a loving partner? This week Jason begins by talking to Meth, queen of The Black Cap, and her boyfriend Joe…
by Jason Reid
Ben (Meth) and Joe have been together as a couple for four and a half years, meeting initially at a house party whilst at drama school. Joe’s end of first year show was being designed by Ben who was in his second year, and like many relationships it didn’t start out the way you’d expect.
“It was a drunken one night stand that turned into a more regular one night stand, and it just grew from there. At the time I didn’t want to be tied down to anything serious but the adorable little thing managed to win me round somehow,” Ben told me.
When they began dating, Ben was performing regularly as his alter-ego Mr Mistress, a burlesque artist, long before the birth of the Meth we all now know. These alter-egos never got in the way, if anything it seems they strengthened their relationship. Ben explained, “Being a burlesque artist was much more risqué than drag, because it’s basically stripping to an audience. We’ve both always been very clear that Joe is going out with Ben not Meth. I put Meth on to perform, then she comes straight off and goes on a wig stand. It’s my job.”
Photo by AbsolutQueer Photography
The fact that Joe is currently studying for a PHD in drag (I wish they had that in my day) and he’s now involved with The Meth Lab no doubt brings greater understanding to the relationship regarding Ben’s art. Since appearing on Drag Queens of London, last year, Joe’s become quite the personality within the Lab, with merchandise and hashtags in his honour. He describes his relationship with Ben like ‘living in a world that’s fleeting, ephemeral and insane, yet thankfully having a relationship that is solid in its foundations.’
This is definitely a business savvy couple who know what they want. And why not? As Ben says, “We are easy going characters and know the distinction between our dual-lives, plus we’re both going in the same (drag) direction in life so it makes sense”.
Many peoples’ attitudes are quite the opposite though, and within the scene there is still an air of discrimination towards dating drag artists.
“It’s the age old thing of, if they can’t accept what you do for a living then that’s no basis for a relationship,” Ben points out. “Fuck ‘em if you need to, and I mean literally fuck ‘em. Ultimately, it comes down to ignorance coupled with the insidious amount of gay male misogyny within our community. This whole masc for masc, no camp, no fems bullshit.
“It’s always the camp gay boys that are picked on in school, and they take that on through life and see it as something that’s wrong or a weakness in a gay man. I don’t care if your preference is masculine men, but this whole fear of fem and camp is nothing more than internalised homophobia.”
So what does the future hold for Ben and Joe? Well, they want a bigger place (don’t we all), Joe will continue his PHD in drag and Ben’s focus is set firmly on The Meth Lab right now which just seems to go from strength to strength. I asked hesitantly, any plans to marry in the future?
“We don’t really believe in marriage in the traditional sense. We support it in the fact that everyone has the right to it, but I don’t want to buy into a century old system. I mean, for legal protection yes, but if we were to do it, it’d have to be something that’s personal to us. I believe in committing yourself to a person but not necessarily marriage.”
Photo by AbsolutQueer Photography
