This is our new GUILTY PLESHURES section! We know that’s not how PLESHURES is spelled, but we’ve written it like that for copyright reasons, because it’s the same name as a section in the Metro where they write about “TOWIE stars” and “celeb scandals” and “Rita Ora”.
It probably would have been fine, but we didn’t want to risk it. You have to be careful with press laws these days. Hey Elton John, u ok hun?
This week, our GUILTY PLESHURES section is about gross men on TV soaps that we used to fancy, but were sort of embarrassed to admit it. But now we’re shameless slags, so we’re admitting it to the world! Or, at least, the London gay scene, which is basically the same thing. So here we go.
Kevin Webster from Corrie
Those oil-stained overalls! Those hairy forearms! He’s hot in a gross, Sunday afternoon Grindr shag sort of way. You’d sneak off to do it and tell your friends you were going to buy fags. We’re not surprised he had Sally swooning into the Shepherd’s Pie. Rosie, Sophie, go upstairs girls.
We wanna get BUSY!
Owen from Vicar Of Dibley
The Vicar of DILFley more like! There was something about Owen. Maybe it was his rugged rural simplicity that reminded us of our friends’ farmer dads in Devon. Maybe it was his lilting Welsh accent. Maybe it was his big manual labour-hardened hands. Love Owen. We’ve got a brand new combine harvester, AND OWEN’S GIVING US THE KEYS!
Mickey Maguire from Shameless
Phwoar! Dirty smelly socks scally vibes! He’d drive you to the McDonalds car park, shag you in the back seat of his red Renault Clio, then spit in your McFlurry. The sort of man who’d nick all the loose change from the top drawer of your bedside cabinet. And you know what…it’d be WORTH IT.
Patrick Trueman from Eastenders
There is SOMETHING ABOUT PATRICK. He’s an older gentleman obviously, but there’s something about his cheeky gold-toothed grin and soft accent that we just love! We feel like he’d probably be quite a lot of fun in bed. Got a few tricks up his sleeve, has our Patrick!
Jason from Footballers’ Wives
Jason was what we would describe here at QX as “a sort!” Oooh, he was a right sort was our Jase. Expensive cocaine and cheap aftershave. Fast, shallow cars and slow, deep fucking. Too far? Tanya Turner didn’t think so. And you know what. Whatever’s good enough for Tanya Turner IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR US.
Brock from Pokemon
Oh Brock! Pull my hair, spank me, steal my gym badges! We all fancied Brock didn’t we. Burly shoulders, and a propensity for BIG HARD ROCKS. One of was called Onyx. A gay night in Vauxhall is also called Onyx. INTERESTING.
