How To Lip-Sync Your Way To £1000

YES! Tranny Lip-Synching is back and The Glory is looking for the new alt-drag superstars. Here’s Jonny Woo’s guide to what to do and what not to do on your lip-synching journey to snatch the trophy and £1000 hard cash!

 


There was music before Rihanna. She might get an office party in Sidcup rocking but a Calvin Harris remix don’t wash on our stage. If you are going totally mainstream with your music choice make sure you go off-piste with your interpretation. Found monologues, TV soundtracks and film excerpts all welcome. Your judges may be older than you so anything from the 80’s or earlier should go down a storm, but the audience often get the swing vote so maybe just do Rihanna. Oh, I don’t know… do what you want!

 

A death drop don’t a great lip-sync make. So we’re two minutes through and you’ve done bugger all and then your knee dislocates and you’ve death dropped. The crowd goes wild. Eyes roll. NEXT!

 

Homemade props. OMG we love a cardboard prop. Fairy lights, gaffer tape and toilet rolls. Now go! Miss Jade (Tranny Lip-Synching contestant 2005 – 2007) LOVED a vegetable instrument. Let us SEE the song. Some people just can’t move their lips (Ma Butcher) and love cereal packet props. If your lips can’t keep up, bring on the prop department. Marks for recycling.

 

Don’t coast on pretty. We want UGLY! No matter how many tutorials on facial contouring you may have taken post-RuPaul we know that underneath all that slap your soul is a seething mass of paranoiac shame, doubt, guilt, jealousy and fear. If you bring me flawless, I want to see it cracked and in pieces and smeared all over the floor and there my dears, lies the beauty.

 

Be shit. It’s funny. Or amazing. Not on purpose. If you try and be bad it’s awkward. It’s a tricky one really. What am I trying to say? If I can see the belief in your eyes when the words have gone tits up, the props have gone missing and you’ve tripped over your own stiletto. You’re through to the final!

 

Lights up! Lights down! That’s what you get. That strobe asked for. That follow spot you requested. The cool wash, hot wash thing you emailed me about. Not happening baby. It’s you. The stage. The crowd. Sizzle presses play! Now GO!

 

Style it out! As in make an effort. LOOK GOOD! Or weird. Good weird even. It’s East London and very fashionable don’t you know so maybe bad weird. Just not bad. If I can recognize you once the costume is on, then you haven’t tried hard enough. TRANSFORM.

 

Don’t just mean it. LIVE IT. Show me how much you love this song. Show me what you know about this character. Show me the lengths you went to understand what those words meant. Show me the dirt under the fingernails from the sewers. Show me your missing tooth. Show me the hank of hair you sold the hag by the Seine as your cracked lips shape the words ‘I dreamed a dream in time gone by…’ SHOW ME!

 

LEARN THE WORDS. ‘Watermelon, watermelon, sausage and mash.’ Are not the lyrics to any song that I’ve come across recently. I may employ clever hand positioning to cover entire lost verses, but I’m not entering. It’s £1000 and if you want it. LEARN IT!

 

• LipSync 1000 kicks off on Wednesday 21st January and then every week for ten heats. Grand prize £1000. The Glory is at 281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS. To enter email: [email protected]

 

Photos by Franc-Off Godevi

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