Margaret Cho

The iconic US comedian talks to Dylan Jones about British comedy, Nigella and crystal meth.

 


Margaret Cho is one of the world’s most distinct, well-known, talented comics. She’s performed at the Carnegie Hall, had TEN different world tours, won a GLAAD Award, and worked on the Obama campaign.

More impressive and noble than that, however, was her guest role in Sex & The City; she was that fashion designer who yelled “FUCK. ME. HARD” when Carrie fell on the runway. And then Heidi Klum stepped over her. And then Stamford was like “She’s fashion roadkill!” Remember? No? Whatevs.

Anyway, Dylan Jones was watching Margaret Cho videos on Youtube when he was 15 and supposed to be revising for his GCSE’s. He chatted to her about drugs, her friendship with Joan Rivers and some other stuff.

 


So you must have heard this already from millions of gay men but…I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
OH! I love you too! You’re so sweet.

So I’m gonna start with serious stuff first. We won’t go on about it too much, but a big thing everyone’s talking about at the moment is gay men and drugs…

Ah yes.

Is that a familiar issue for you?

Oh yeah, I had to have a crystal meth rescue at my house the other day. Crystal meth in America has been the second gay plague. The first was AIDS. It’s been so hard. People were dying, people’s lives have been ruined. But it’s starting to get better now. What drugs have been a problem over in the UK?

Well here it’s mephedrone, and G. Have you heard of G?

Oh…no?

It’s kinda like paintstripper, and you put it in your drink and shot it.

Oh wow! I’ve never heard of that! I’ve done a lot of drugs but that’s pretty inventive. You go London! Wooo! How weird.

I think it’s all the bad weather, it just makes us try anything. 

Yeah you guys need more sunlight. More vitamin D. Don’t do G, do D. Hashtag, “Vitamin D, Not G.”

I was watching your interview with Joan Rivers the other day, and I know you guys were friends. What was it like knowing her?

Well we met because she loved my comedy, and wanted to give me an award. So I met her in New York and had dinner with her, and she kept saying “do you wanna eat dog?!” And I was like “Erm, I think they only have chicken or steak” and she was like “are you sure you don’t want dog? I’ll get you some dog!” It became a stupid running joke about me eating dog. So stupid but so funny and so ridiculous.

Also that day she tried to give me all her jewellery, but I don’t wear jewellery, so I said I didn’t want any. And she just turned away and wouldn’t look at me. But then finally she recovered from the fact that I don’t wear jewellery and she was my friend, my co-worker and my idol. She was more amazing because of her warmth. And I think it came through, it showed. People knew she was warm. She was just really amazing.

So you’re performing here in London soon, right?

Yes, in December! I’m performing at the Leicester Square Theatre. I really love London, it’s so exciting. And I love that theatre. It’s a great thing to be able to play London. Very few American comedians can play here really. Maybe Bill Hicks. Joan Rivers.

The British are a tough crowd because they’re really super smart and they really want you to deliver. There’s something about Britain and the entertainment industry. That’s why British entertainment is so good. You’re talking to a higher class of person. Your world view as a country, your music, your movies, your television. I’ve never underestimated your intelligence. Whereas America celebrates stupid. So we’re real stupid, and you’re real smart. So it’s a challenge.

It’s like, “how do I come to this country?! How do I deserve to play here?!” It takes a lot of stamina and courage to understand what British comedy’s like because it’s so different from international comedy. British comedy is so sophisticated. So you’ve got to be good because they’re used to the best.

We featured a gay British comedian recently, Paul Foot. I hear you know him?

I. LOVE. Paul. Foot. SO. Much! He’s one of the funniest comedians in the world. What a sweetheart! We had a great time, we went to Paris on a trip for his birthday. He is so lovely, tell him I said hi! My favourite is when he walks his little cute butt across the stage. He’s such a cute little baby. Also we both love food, so when we went to eat together we had fondue and things, really showy stuff! Pigs feet! Oh, it was fierce.

So my favourite of your jokes is the fag hag bus. When you say fag hags should have a bus to take them to a secure location at the end of the night.

Oh yeah that’s a good one.

Society judges that a woman’s beauty makes her less intelligent. Those dumb cunts

So if you could pick anyone who would be on your fag hag bus?

Definitely Joan Rivers. Well, her ashes. Maybe I could snort her ashes. That’d be the right thing to do. I’d also bring my friend Kathy Griffin. Liza Minnelli, she needs a lot of friends right now. She’s having a hard time, so I’d like to be there for her. Bette Midler always throws an amazing party. And then I want Nigella Lawson and her drugs.

Do you remember that photo of her walking into court? Iconic.

She’s fierce! I want to be her friend because it’d be amazing when you had the munchies. She could hook a bitch up! I want to be her friend, and I’m not trying to shame her, I want to hang out with her, I think she’s amazing. I’ve admired her for so long. And when the whole drugs scandal thing came out it made me just worship her.

Ok, so now for some quickfire silly gay questions…

Love it. I’m ready.

Twinks or bears?

AAH I can’t choose!

Chloe Moretz or Chloe Sevigny?

Chloe Sevigny.

Hilary Duff or Hillary Clinton?

I have to say Hillary Clinton because she’s a personal friend. But I love Hillary Duff. That’s a HARD question!

Finally…Sarah Palin or Sarah Silverman?

OH Sarah Silverman is my baby, I love her. She’s such a brilliant genius. I also think because she’s so beautiful people can’t believe she’s such a genius. It’s a curse! I’ve always thought she’s one of the truly greatest comic minds ever. Like Paul Foot actually. But she’s just so extraordinarily beautiful as a woman that they negate her. Society judges that a woman’s beauty makes her less intelligent. Those dumb cunts.

 

• Margaret Cho will be bringing  ‘THE PsyCHO TOUR to London’s Leicester Square Theatre from 15th – 20th December for more information go to www.margaretcho.com

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