Objectified & Othered: Life Off Set for Gay Porn Stars

gay porn stars

Gay Porn stars may exude confidence on screen, but life away from the camera can still be a mental challenge as they navigate stalkers, overt-sexualisation and stigma. Chris Godfrey talks to gay porn actors about their experiences off set.

“In my industry, the goal is to make people want to fuck you,” says award-winning top, Kayden Gray. “If they don’t then the career isn’t going to work out. So you need it. It’s what turns the wheel.”

The ultimate aim of any porn actor is to become the viewers’ fantasy and sexual object, to build a connection with them and, hopefully, make them part with their cash. Objectification pays the bills and paves the way for long successful careers, both in front of the camera and away from it, but it also leads to some very awkward interactions off set with overzealous fans, stalkers and fantasists.

“I suppose like from the beginning of time, anyone that represents any visual aesthetics is going to be objectified,” says Gray. While he doesn’t hit the London gay scene often, when he does he’ll normally find himself coming face-to-face with fans of his work. When they’re respectful and polite it can be a gratifying ego boost, a reminder that people love his scenes (and him). Not all fans are quite so levelheaded though.

“People do recognise me and it’s not often a bad experience it’s actually quite nice,” he says. “But then again I still find it a little uncomfortable when someone recognises me and then they stick to you while I’m trying to have a good time with my friends. If it’s someone who keeps talking about my work, who monopolises the conversation, then I actually get quite irate.”

Gay Porn Stars : Kayden Gray

 

Just as soap stars are often confused with their characters, the same is true of porn actors. Whether they’re playing a dominant scally or a twunky teacher, when the cameras stop rolling so too do the personas they portray. It’s a fact many die-hard fans forget; even when Gray introduces himself using his real name they see him only through the prism of his porn, as Kayden. They talk to him like he’s on set, and expect him to play along.

“I refuse to,” says Gray. “It is a person integrated into my life, but there is a channel that is available to go through and that is not face-to-face personal contact. I intuitively can tell if somebody approaches me for the fantasy interaction with a porn actor. You can tell when somebody is genuinely interested in you and they see work as part of your life.”

Gray is constantly wary of those who are only interested in him for his work and the erotic encounter he could supposedly fulfil. If there’s any hint they’re only interested in him for his work he shuts down the conversation and moves away. 

But it’s not just conversational etiquette that fans ignore. The sexual and personal environment in which porn is watched means an entirely one-sided intimate relationship with the models is developed. For those who grow to obsess over and idolise certain actors, meeting them in person can be an exciting encounter where social conventions and personal boundaries are completely abandoned.

Gay Porn Stars
Gay Porn Stars : Logan Moore

“People just think that they can just go up and touch you or whatever,” says Ashley Ryder. “There are those that would be all over you, be hands-on and squeeze your bum as you go away. The hand will wander when they put their arm around you, when they’re doing a photograph and all that sort of stuff. It gets tiresome after a while, but then once you get passed that you just think ‘ok, well that’s how it is’. As a porn actor you just get used to it. What are you meant to do?” Filmmaker Maurizio von Trapp is putting together a documentary that explores the lives of gay porn actors outside of their work. He’s hoping to get a better understanding of their psyche and look at how they deal with certain social interactions, and how porn impacts their relationships.

“It affects them in different ways,” he says. “Some people have difficulties with maintaining certain relationships. Some people can’t get a relationship because of the job and some of them have not had a relationship for the whole duration of their porn careers.

“One of the guys I spoke to said he was a very jealous type¨

“One of the guys I spoke to said he was a very jealous type, which really surprised me. I think there’s a constant negotiation with people close to them, and society as a whole, about how their relationships develop and because it’s so out of the norm that we have. Maybe you would decide to have an open relationship but it’s still within a certain framework. When you have to fuck for a living all the time that kind of gets blown apart.”

Negotiating the ‘rules’ of a relationship is an issue that Dutch star Logan Moore has previously navigated. And it’s one he’s found surprisingly easy. “When I started to date someone I thought it would be difficult, but people are all so open minded, most people don’t care about it,” he says. “Only sometimes in a relationship they’ll say you can have sex for work but not outside of that. You just have to make agreements and then it will be fine.”

Gay Porn Stars
Gay Porn Stars : Ashley Ryder

Building intimacy with new people can be problematic…

Building intimacy with new people can be problematic too. While some build up a paranoia about the intentions of those they come into contact with, others develop insecurities about their sex lives, concerned that they won’t be able to perform to the lofty standards they’re held to. Naturally, some actors find their status as porn stars intimidates people.“I find that people get really nervous around me,” says Ryder. “People know I’m into fisting so they automatically assume that I’m not into fucking. I have to conquer them of their fear that just because I can take a fist, doesn’t mean that I don’t feel a cock. But you know that’s something that you get through when you talk with them. And if they’re not comfortable with you being a porn actor then they’re not going to be the right person for you.¨

“You get this thing being a porn actor that people either like you or hate you, there’s nothing in the middle,”

Even in London’s supposedly liberal gay bubble, scepticism towards porn stars for their profession is all too common. “You get this thing being a porn actor that people either like you or hate you, there’s nothing in the middle,” says Ryder. “When people don’t know you’re a porn actor it’s sometimes nicer in a way, because there’re no pre-conceptions. You have the choice to tell them whether or not you are.”

While the internet has revolutionised the way people watch porn (some figures estimate as much as 37% of the web is porn), it’s also proved a game-changer for the actors themselves. Not only is it arguably easier for them to break into the industry – building up large followings on sites like Instagram and Twitter, rather than applying directly to a studio – social media also allows them to show their fans their life outside of work, helping them become more than just sexual objects.

“It [social media] gives people a chance to see who you are as a person as well,” says Mickey Taylor. “On things like social media by only really showing them your porn scenes, your nude selfies and little things like that then, they’re only going to be able to objectify you and look at you as just that. You’ll just be a sexual pedestal basically.

Gay Porn Stars
Gay Porn Stars : Mickey Taylor

“I found a lot of my fans in particular love to see what I’m up to through the course of my day. That’s part of the attractiveness as well, because they like to be attracted to the person as well as what he does in the porn.”

Social media has empowered porn stars…

Social media has empowered porn actors, allowing them to get noticed, earn more and work more. While it’s allowed models to build a two-way connection with fans, it also presents them with some the positive aspects that come from being heavily sexualised, objectified and revered.

“It is very empowering,” says Kayden Gray. “The amount of attention we get on social from people that love you is incredible. So it’s very positive. It’s had a very positive on my self-esteem as well on a personal level.

“Not a lot of what people think matters to me on a personal level. It doesn’t define how I see myself. I’ve tried not to look at my life through other people’s eyes, because I don’t think it’s healthy. How do you remember who you are if you’re constantly portraying an image of something you’re not?”

Advertisement

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here