Shame & Sexuality Series: Pretty Miss Cairo

Article about gay London in QX magazine.

‘People need to start learning hard and fast that whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no.’ 

By Pretty Miss Cairo

If you have had the pleasure of seeing me perform, you’ve probably witnessed a lot of my body. I’m shameless in sharing my physique with my audiences in order to question the boundaries of sexuality and gender. I’m fearless in exposing myself, and sometimes I make people feel uncomfortable with my nakedness, which is great. I want you to question what is actually offensive about our bodies; they are beautiful, they are funny, they are sexy and they should be idolised in every shape and form. The only thing you won’t see is me with an erection. You either have to be my partner, or be paying me a hell of a lot of money for that privilege.

I work a lot on a consent basis within performance. I like to think that even when I cross boundaries, I am sensitive enough to know when someone feels uncomfortable for any reason, and I like to think that I would be there with an open heart and mind to discuss with someone if I have deeply offended or upset them after a show. I aim to always create a safe space in my work, and although there isn’t always a verbal agreement, the participant is made to feel that they can back out at any moment if they want. But I always try and pick people who have responded in an eager fashion to minimise feeling pressured into participating. However, my only boundary is that you are not allowed to touch my body unless you ask, a rule that should be instated not just in strip clubs.

Routinely I have had to give people a dressing down who felt it necessary to touch my body without prior consent, not just on stage, but also when I am at events in drag. Nine times out of ten I am given a sincere apology. I used to grope the perpetrator back and insist that it works both ways, but a lot of the time it back fired and just caused more unwanted harassment, as well as encouraging the ‘eye for an eye’ mentality. Since realising this, I just stick to the word ‘No’. People need to start learning hard and fast that whatever we wear, wherever we go, yes means yes and no means no.

My only boundary is that you are not allowed to touch my body unless you ask.”

But I see this on such a regular basis and not just with performers. I see bartenders and waiters routinely objectified and are expected to endure unwanted advances, and a lot of employers don’t protect their staff from this kind of behaviour but actively encourage them to utilise it for monetary gain. I, of course, have no problem using sex and sexuality to earn a living, but only on a consensual basis. No one should be forced. I’m all for objectification, but it has to be agreed and not put upon an individual.

The other night at a performance, I was grabbed several times by someone who I did not know, and had not been invited to do so. By the end of the night I told her firmly that she had no right to do so. She apologised , but she was questioning my ‘no’, essentially saying that because I’m dressed provocatively, it’s not her fault. Her friend then, out of the blue, interjected and tried to diminish me as a human being and deprecate my right to say no. His argument was that I was no better than a stripper.

I am a member of The East London’s Strippers Collective as well as The Sex Workers’ Opera, and I have no problem being called a stripper. I am shamelessly proud to be a part of a group of empowered individuals who are actively changing the world we live in. I am shamelessly proud to work in the sex industry and I am shamelessly proud of my fucking body and my right to say who can and can’t touch it. But his comment cut me very deep. It made me remember that we live in a world where some people have more rights than others, and unfortunately, there are not enough laws to protect anyone in the sex industry from harassment. And to me, THAT is shame.

• You can follow Pretty Miss Cairo on her Facebook page: www.facebook.com/ThePrettyMissCairo or on Twitter at @PrettyMissCairo

• Pretty Miss Cairo will be performing as part of Jonny Woo’s (TRANS)former show on Thursday 19th February at the Richmix (35 Bethnal Green Road, E1 6LA) from 8pm. 

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