Drag king cabaret star Shesus & her dancing nun-like nymphs, the Sistas, are staging a full-on “multiple-resurrection” party at the Glory this Easter weekend. We caught up with her holiness to get the goss’ on all things Sheezy…
Shesus! So lovely to see you again, how have the last few millennia been for you?
Hello love, it’s been so tiring, exhausted I am, all this healing has taken it right out of me. I’ve come back for some intensive psychotherapy and to pass the baton back to you lot. I’ve died enough for your sins, it’s time for you to kill yourselves off a bit – pass the Kool-Aid mother bitches.
Tell me about the ‘Sistas’, you seem to have a somewhat unorthodox relationship…
Sista Pauline Hollywood and Sista Mary Berry – darlings aren’t they? Genuine Sistas. Twins in fact. Delightful. We have an intimate relationship. Our love is very touching I find and they also double up as bodyguards, tough birds underneath those robes.
We hear you’ve got a multiple-resurrection show planned, could you give us a sneaky scoop or what to expect?
‘Self Service – A Resurrection Story’ is the full title. There’s gunna be a finger food buffet – a proper one, non of this M&S nonsense. The service is all about self-love, serving yourself and the audience is gunna die. Like a proper decent death. All of ‘em. There are three ticket prices – semi, full and multiple resurrection, so everyone will ultimately get what they deserve (aka – what they paid for).
What are your ultimate Calvary style tips? How do you make dragging a cross look so chic?
I’ll drag anything me. What one should’ve learnt from my cross couture, is that the bigger the accessory, the smaller one looks, so my main tip is stop fannying about, stretch your boundaries and go bigger than big.
“Sometimes death is the only option. Just make sure that on your way out you make a serious fuss!”
When turning water into wine, what do you normally opt for? Shiraz? Merlot?
Wine is so last millennium, chica. I’m much more of a kale-based green smoothie/almond milk matcha latte kinda bitch.
What’s your afterlife philosophy?
After life! Pah. No such thing. This ain’t some merry-go-round you can get off. Until you sort your shit, fully, like properly sort it, there is no ‘after’. It’s at this point it only seems right to quote Lenny Kravitz – ‘it ain’t over till it’s over’ – trust Lenny, he’s never dropped a ball.
What do your famous “private blessings” entail exactly?
The Sistas are renowned for having very strong blowing abilities to clear dark matter. Then the blessing begins when I bring in the light, obvs, moving on to a full chakra realignment working with the cosmic interconnectivity of our multidimensional light-transmuting gluten-free biodynamic frequencies, I normally collide and journey beyond simple duality to align with a certified organic, post-Shamanic crystalline Gaia-vortex of fair-trade unified love. Then a good rub down and that’s about it, good to go.
What does the future hold for Shesus and the Sistas?
First off, deal with our complex mental health disorders. Then, go where the wind blows. We’ll do anything for travel expenses, a bag of crisps and the chance of a moments adoration from an audience to cleanse our warped egos and waning self-esteem.
Finally; do you believe in God?
No.
• Shesus & the Sistas “Self-Service” is on Friday 25th March at The Glory (281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS), 8pm. Tickets available at www.shesus.eventbrite.co.uk
• (Deluxe seats come with a “slightly better buffet”, a private blessing from Shesus herself, and water which may or may not turn into wine.)
