Tainted Loving?

Who’s the real Marc Almond? A scabrous, hyper-eloquent, low-rent, Noel Coward? A deranged, barely-sane rock and roller, slithering in and slurping the sour, poxy juices of every known sexual excess? Or maybe, just maybe, all of the above and more, a world-class, avant-garde crooner with the aplomb of Charles Aznavour and Scott Walker combined?

 


Me, I see Marc as a gay, national treasure, and in an ideal world, soaring shafts to his erotic eloquence would be erected in town squares nationwide. Sadly, we live in a culture that’s seen any notion of pop music excellence and creativity comprehensively torpedoed by mega-oaf Simon Cowell and Honey G, his faux-chav avatar!

But darlings, don’t despair. Sure, public monuments to Marc are still a deeply deviant pipe-dream, but in the absence of a state funeral, The Trials Of Eyeliner is a shockingly gorgeous tribute to Marc’s art.

Sheathed in a sturdy slip-case in Marc’s three, favourite colours – crimson, cerise and mauve-the set comes with a hardcover photo-book and covers Marc’s entire career. But be warned – this set, boasting nearly 200 excursions into the baroque, bizarre and sometimes startlingly explicit – isn’t for Marc virgins or quick, indifferent, i-Pod shuffling.

Instead, try deeply pleasuring yourselves, and invest serious listening time to the work of a consummate artist deserving serious appreciation. Me, I’d suggest you slip into a piping-hot, perfumed, candle-lit bath, with wine, whisky and a companion, and let Marc’s music aurally ravish you!

Where to begin? Try the blistering, pre-Soft Cell ‘Girl with the Patent Leather Face’. Immediately, all Marc’s signature themes grip like an anal intercourse octopus, the petulance, misanthropy and alienation, the frantic temptation of a first-timer gorging on Gomorrah!

‘How would you feel if you had a face like mine?’ Marc snarls punkishly, and track after track delivers operatic peaks of Baby Jane psychodrama. It’s a heady, instantly intoxicating cocktail; ‘Youth’ is all dark, tumbling keyboards and a terrifying exposé of vapid narcissism. Elsewhere, ‘Ruby Red’ remains the most infectious ode to fist-fucking ever penned, while ‘Tenderness Is a Weakness’ brilliantly marries stately pomp to majestic contempt. Then there’s ‘Black Heart’ an almost unbearably lovely, swooning descent of gypsy violins, a lacerating lament of crushing loss.

You want more? Try the hypnotic, subliminal robo-drone of ‘Memorabilia’, a song so immediately indelible it makes Kylie’s ‘Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’ seems like instant amnesia! But, of course, there’s far more to Marc than his sexual and private obsessions, and repeatedly, he exhibits a songwriting finesse to rival Cole Porter. If ‘Feasting with Panthers’ is a howling abyss of sexual feedback, ‘Saint Judy’ perfectly mimics, inhabits and adopts Judy Garland’s often sleazy, rat-arsed glamour. It’s a fluent exploration of a point of view from other personas, as in
The Hustler’, where Marc memorably inhabits a male, Times Square tart.

Better yet, there’s ‘The Bed’, an absolute gem and joyous, unrestrained take on Marc’s boudoir preferences and enthusiasms. Screw Tracey Emin – decades before that unevolved drudge created her clumsy, over-literal metaphor, deservedly torched in Saatchi’s unintentional bonfire of Britpop bullshit, Marc’s bed became the medium, and message, of his art! And guess what? The joys – like a penis on Ecstasy and Viagra – keep on coming! ‘Mother Fist’ perfectly echoes the jerky, gasping constriction of bliss that’s the solo, self-detonated male orgasm, while ‘Your Kisses Burn’ is a smouldering duet with the Velvet Underground’s terminal smack goddess, Nico.

What’s not to like? Exhaustively – but always euphorically –Trials Of Eyeliner charts Marc’s gradual, assured metamorphosis into neo-romantic chanssonier. It’s delightful to hear Marc’s adoption of hallucinatory, wide-screen melancholy and huge, echoing soundscapes enfolding his voice, and a flawless, Xmas gift for the queen in your life! Depraved, erudite and lush, Marc’s never sounded better!

 

• Comments or feedback? Email [email protected]

 

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