As we all know, 2016 was a total shitshow! A reality TV star got elected president of the most powerful nation in the world, the UK kissed a racism-tinged goodbye to Europe, one of the most beautiful and culturally diverse continents in the world, and loads of iconic celebrities died. And to add insult to injury, that Tesco in Haggerston STILL hasn’t hired any more staff.
But here at QX, we try to look at things in a positive light. We’re glass half full sort of people (that is, on the rare occasions that we haven’t drunk everything in the glass). So here’s our list of our FAVOURITE things 2016 brough us. And it did bring us lots of good stuff, if you delve under all the doom and gloom. So here we go! The 2016 QX Shitshow Awards!
Gif of The Year – Davonne
Sometimes the perfect gif just happens. For a while, the crown was held by that one of Kim Kardashion peeking through the bushes. But this one of Big Brother US’s Davonne looking all eager running out of the house, had the gay Twittersphere “SCREAM”ing and “I CAN’T”ing for a good few months. It always had to be posted with a sardonic, current joke.
Example: The UK – Wow, no country is gonna make us much of a twat out of itself as we did! America:
Porn Star Of The Year – Rocco Steele
The daddy craze reached its peak this year, with the word daddy being thrown around with abandon, and nights like Daddy Issues gaining vicious popularity East Of The Wall. Rocco Steele is the genuine article. It doesn’t get more daddy than Rocco Steele. From his gravelly voice, to his huge dick that we’d like inside us immediately please.
Chatshow Host of The Year – Wendy Williams
An utterly superficial morally bankrupt bitch, but endlessly quotable and endlessly entertaining. Wendy, we hate you but we love you, and there’s nothing more perfect than binge-watching you whilst hungover. With a snack.
Drink of the Year – Double vodka diet coke
Always a winner! Fairly cheap, and keeps you going without sending you loopy like jagerbombs.
Song Of The Year – Into You
The first ten seconds of Ariana Grande’s Into You, are possibly the most perfect ten seconds ever created in pop. Urgent, breathy and totally original, Into You is a salacious, scintillating slice of utter flawlessness. When it came on once at Savage, there was actually a physical fight between two drag queens to get back in from the smoking area to the dancefloor.
Legal High of The Year – Poppers
They’re legal! Yay! Great for using just before the drop in a Freemasons remix. #PoppersOClock
Politician of the Year – Nicola Sturgeon
All the others are either meekly unprofessional attention-seekers, or fascist war mongerers. Nicola, as far as we know, hasn’t murdered refugees or incited racism, therefore she’s our politican of the year! Yay!
Film Of The Year – Moonlight
There were SO many good films out this year! Amy Adams ventured from frumpy obscurity for two awesome outings – Arrival and Nocturnal Creatures. While JK Rowling’s Fantastic Beasts was predictably spellbinding. And Bridget Jones’s Baby was unexpectedly woke and hilarious! But the ultimate prize goes to Moonlight, an intense, flawlessly acted drama about a young gay black man coming to terms with his sexuality in the midst of a traumatic upbringing. Lead actor Trevante Rhodes has been tipped for Oscars glory.
App of The Year – Pokemon Go
Of course nobody gives a fuck about Pokemon Go now, but remember those few months in summer when everyone was mad for it?! The childish excitement when you found that Charmander lurking behind the bins at Manor House Sainsburys? Catching Pidgeys and cruising guys on Hampstead Heath? It was great!
Mayor Of The Year – Sadiq Khan
He’s amazing! He’s actually, directly doing things to help Londoners, like encouraging diversity, preventing rises in transport fares, and helping lower rent costs. He’s also responsible for re-opening Fabric, and preventing the closures of dozens of other venues. Come through, Sadiq!
Album of The Year – Royal Blues
No, not Lady Gaga’s Joanne or Britney’s Glory. Let’s be honest, Joanne is a forgettable load of shit, and Glory is just awful – it sounds like a canned Adore Delano b-side. No, our choice for album of the year is Royal Blues by queer Canadian electro trio Dragonette! It’s full of sweeping, uptempo celestial pop gorgeousness! Give it a listen.
Internet Personality of The Year – Joanne The Scammer
Iconic.
