SO! It’s time for another LIST OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED DURING A YEAR. We know it’s not groundbreaking journalism. We know it’s not an exploration of the psychosexual implications of pseudofeminism. We know it’s not “Through The Keyhole With The Dalai Lama”. But this is QX. And we’re hungover. All the time. So if you don’t like it, piss off and buy yourselves a copy of National Geographic. The closest we get to the National Geographic is Nathalie Geographic.
Anyway, the reason for this slightly out of the blue feature, is that we were clicking and scrolling the other day, and realised, A LOT of amazing things happened in 2007. And this is the ten-year anniversary of 2007! So let’s celebrate. We’ve decided to jump on the nostalgia bandwagon. There’s been a lot of nostalgia going around lately. Probably because the world is so bleak, we’d rather just remember GOOD OLE’ TIMES. EH KIDS? Bleak. Oh well, have another beer, it’s not all bad. Here’s some amazing stuff that happened in 2007, TEN WHOLE YEARS AGO.
Britney Spears had a breakdown, then released the most iconic pop album of the century
2007 was not Britney’s year. Or maybe it was. It was certainly career-defining. And McDonalds made a lot of money out of her that year. It was head-shavingly, baby-droppingly, umbrella-swingingly memorable for all concerned. If you want to get deep about it, it was actually quite a stark statement on the concept of celebrity, and how it can all go horribly wrong. Remember that nail-biting VMAs performance where she literally looked like a bloated puppet throwing herself around on stage? Tragic. But then…THEN…Blackout arrived! Regarded by many connoisseurs to be her finest oeuvre, the Pharrell-produced, brooding, darkly knowing album was a SENSATION. One of those rare albums where every song is an absolute corker. Well done Brit! Shame we’ve all forgotten about Glory already.
Naomi Campbell did community service in a Dolce & Gabbana gown
After being convicted of throwing hitting her maid in the head with a vajazzled flip-phone (iconic in itself) part time supermodel and full time unhinged madwoman Naomi Campbell was sentenced to over 300 hours of community service. She turned up to her final trash-picking session on the backstreets of New York, wearing a gown from Dolce & Gabbana’s 2007 Fall collection. She was mobbed so much by the public and paparazzi, that she had to complete the session inside a nearby warehouse. When asked why she did it, she responded “Why shouldn’t I? Did you expect me to come looking bedraggled or something?” Quite right Naomi.
The first season of Gossip Girl premiered
Yes! The CW channel gave us the gift of unparalleled arrogance and relentless glamour, with their tongue-in-cheek teen drama, Gossip Girl. Again, it was reflective of the time – flip-phone flippancy, crop top crudeness. If you’re unfamiliar with Gossip Girl, give it a watch on Netflix, it’s a right laugh. It’s totally stupid and unrealistic, but that’s sort of the point. And, in a way, it was generation-defining. If Gossip Girl hadn’t existed, it might not have influenced us to storm around London like ridiculous sluts, and QX might not exist. So there.
Fergie’s solo career started (and finished)
From those first few husky knells of My Humps, it was clear that Fergie was going to be a star. Those lioness eyes and insouciant lips were all she needed to launch a solo career! Well, that and Will.I.Am’s closeted millions. The Duchess, her debut album, was released in 2007, and was a critical and commercial hit. It included seminal (semenal) hits like London Bridge (OH SHIT), Glamorous (TACO BELL, ROSE HILL) and Fergalicious (I BE UP IN THE GYM, JUST WORKIN’ ON MAH FITNESS). Her music is a great snapshot of what 2007 was like as a year: Fun, tacky and a bit mad. Fergie is trying to have a solo career again as we speak, but it’s not working. Fergie’s socio-political dialogue just doesn’t work in post-Brexit Britain. We’re all too miserable for your lumps Fergie. Soz.
The first ever iPhone was released
Yes, the first ever iPhone was released in 2007! MAD isn’t it! It feels like we’ve had iPhones forever, but it’s only been ten years! And most of us had to wait until 2009, because they were too expensive when they were first out. What did we do before iPhones?! What did we look at while we were waiting for the bus?! How did we find men to sleep with?! How did we catch Pokemon?! How did we order food?! Maybe we just, like, talked to each other and engaged in real human interaction. Gross!
Back To Black became the world’s bestselling album
MORE AMAZING MUSIC. In early 2007, Amy Winehouse’s introspective, dark jazz genius of an album, topped charts around the world, as trendy young kids from Camden to Columbia fell in love with her unique, crooning sound. Amy was another defining figure of the times, and yet another celebrity to fall from grace spectacularly, in a year that became known for its famous breakdowns…
Lindsay Lohan
…Which leads us nicely on to Lindsay! We won’t say much because we talk about her too much, but this was the year she went to rehab three times, crashed into a fire hydrant whilst high on coke, collapsed under a table in Brazil, shagged Calum Best, Samantha Ronson and several dozen other people within the space of three months, and tried to drive a car whilst asleep. Iconic.
• Well, that’s always a good point to finish. On Lindsay. A lot of people have probably finished on Lindsay. Come back next week for more THINGS THAT HAPPENED DURING A YEAR.
