WHEN LOVE HURTS

Morgan Jon Fox, director of This Is What Love in Action Looks Like, a compelling new documentary about what happened when a gay teenager was forced by his parents to undergo therapy to turn him straight, talks about America’s “ex-gay” movement to David McGillivray…

 

In 2005 Zack Stark, a 16-year-old gay Christian, blogged on MySpace that his parents were sending him to a Love In Action “boot camp” (run by the international ministry Exodus) to be turned straight. His friends began protesting outside Love in Action’s Memphis HQ. This story went around the world. Film-maker Morgan Jon Fox began filming. Six years later he had interviews with Zack and Love in Action’s former executive John Smid, who’d by now left the organisation and come out as gay. The film manages to be depressing, inspiring, shocking and gripping. It’s a must-see.

 

You’re in Memphis. So you must have been aware that Love in Action was based there.

I’ve been here all my life but I wasn’t aware that Love in Action was based here until we started reading Zack’s blog entries and started doing a little research.

But you knew about the ex-gay movement?

I’d seen some of the movies like But I’m a Cheerleader [Natasha Lyonne plays a teen sent to “sexual redirection” school by her parents] and Saved! [Chad Faust is sent to a “degayification” centre]. But those movies were comical, they didn’t seem to be based on reality. I thought there’s no way such things could exist in today’s world. Being in the Bible Belt here I was certainly aware of the whole culture, that unfortunately so many churches have very homophobic stances, but I didn’t know we had organisations like Love in Action.

Do you call yourself Christian?

Yes, sure, absolutely. I was 18, I’d just come out to myself, but hadn’t told anyone else, and I saw that British movie Beautiful Thing, so I assumed that everyone in England was very gay-friendly and that I could go there and find a boyfriend. I lived there for six months. I came back and shortly afterwards I went back to the church I was raised in and the first sermon was based on how bad it was to be gay. So for a while I totally rejected any idea of being a Christian or going to church. But a few years after that I started to meet Christians that weren’t that way and started to associate with churches that were open and affirming. That was very empowering, that was something that I didn’t know even existed.

How did you first hear about Zack?

I’d been making films for about five or six years. Zack was going to the same high school I’d graduated from and I ended up seeing a blog post about Zack being sent to this place [Love in Action]. I knew kids that still went to that high school and so I contacted them and they had already heard about it. They were already interested in doing some kind of protest and so at that point I wanted to help them.

“I remember saying we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on some of these topics and he told me that was unacceptable”

Were they mostly Christian?

You know I don’t know. I think possibly not. But it’s not often something that comes up in conversation. It’s a very personal thing. What’s interesting is that most of Zack’s friends weren’t gay or lesbian. They were just straight allies, which I think says a lot about changing times.

It does. Did they know Zack was gay?

They did, yes.

So Zack was pretty open?

Yeah, on a personal level, not out and loud about it, but I think people who knew him knew that. Zack is a pretty private person, which is ironic because he became a poster boy. I don’t think he would have chosen that. If someone had said, “Hey, Zack, would you stand up for this cause?” he probably would have said, “No, thanks.”

Let’s jump forward in time. How did you persuade Zack to talk to you?

That was tricky because he was a minor. He was 16 when this all happened, also a part of the programme was that he wasn’t allowed to have any communication with the outside world. He wasn’t allowed to access the Internet, not allowed to use the phone…

So he was using the Internet without permission?

His blog entries that were used in the documentary were all written before he went in, three to four days after he came out to his parents, and they told him he was going to be sent to Love in Action. They were written in the distress of knowing what was about to happen to him. We didn’t know if Zack wanted this protest. We couldn’t communicate with him. All we could do was stand outside and support him.

When he was released, did you contact him?

We didn’t personally contact him. We had a friend of his who let us know how he felt about the protest and [they] assured us he was happy that those things happened and hoped they’d made a good impact. And then we heard that he was interested in giving an interview but we were obviously going to wait until he was 18. So when he went to college we travelled there and did the interview.

How did he feel about it?

He was nervous about it. We wanted to make sure he was comfortable with it and so we submitted questions in advance to make sure he approved what we were going to talk about. He wanted to get his side out there of what happened, but he didn’t want to talk bad about Love in Action or his parents. He didn’t want to strain relationships any more than they already were.

Has he seen the film?

He’s very happy with it. He’s glad he can put this to rest because mainly he just wants to be a kid. I think it’s probably a relief that that chapter of his life is over.

The trouble with what happened is that we need both sides of the story. But as you explain – with one notable exception – nobody from the other side would talk to you.

It was disappointing to me. A few months after the protest ended I sat down in Love in Action’s offices with John Smid, who at that time was the executive director, and I  could tell he believed just as much in what he was saying as I believed in what I was saying. These people have real emotions and they’re just like us except very different in where they’re coming from! Because of that I really wanted to tell their story as much as possible. I can understand that they didn’t trust me or that they were worried I would misconstrue their story because I’m a gay person, I was a part of the protest. I felt like I addressed that. I offered them legal documents saying that they had the right of refusal [to let the interview be included]. I wanted to assure them that I wasn’t going to make them look bad. I really wanted people to hear what they thought. But unfortunately they wouldn’t give me that opportunity.

“The leader of Exodus, Alan Chambers, has started to say that he believes that they have done harm.”

What was their reasoning if they could reject anything they didn’t like?

That’s what I thought. But Exodus said it’s our policy not to do documentary interviews and Love in Action just stopped responding to me.

Zack’s parents seemed happy to talk to someone else.

Right, well, they talked to the Christian Broadcasting Network, a notoriously homophobic channel here in the States. I met with Zack’s dad several months after the protest, we had disagreements, and at some point I remember saying we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on some of these topics and he told me that was unacceptable and he looked in my eyes and told me there was a plane that was going down in flames and I had an opportunity to accept God’s hand and get out of the wreckage before it went down. Right there in Starbucks I guess he tried to save my soul. I think that was the end of that. I asked him several years later if he was willing to do an interview and he just said no. I think he was more concerned about me being a sinner.

Therefore John Smid must have been something of a gift?

Yeah, me and John kept meeting over the years. I stayed in touch with him and twice a year over a five year period we would meet up and have coffee and just talk. We wouldn’t really debate the issues, we would just communicate about what was going on in our lives. What’s interesting about Love in Action and their former clients is that, although they were harmed, they were also very straightforward about the fact that there was a lot of good that happened there. Basically they were saying that John Smid had a gift of communication and honesty that really took a lot of people off their feet. I think John does have that gift. Unfortunately when you use that gift the wrong way it can be very harmful to people, it can be very manipulative. But I found it very striking over time that he was so honest and so willing to talk about anything. And then, as he began to change, he left Love in Action, he finally agreed to do an interview, and he began to open up and change in a way that was totally unexpected. He said he was beginning to question what he had always read in the bible. He was questioning about whether it was truly a sin to be gay. That led him to say that he had to be honest and say that nobody had ever been changed and that God loves gay and lesbian people just like anyone else. It’s something I never expected to happen.

And just for the record John Smid is openly gay now.

That’s correct.

You say in the film that you have no happy ending because Zack didn’t come to terms with his homosexuality and find a boyfriend. But due to the protests the boot camp closed. 

So much has happened since we finished the film. Love in Action doesn’t exist any more. They changed their name to Restoration Path and they’re primarily an online organisation, they offer counselling over the Internet. They no longer have any residential programme. They used to have a big campus but now they have a tiny building. So in a lot of ways Love in Action has diminished into something very small. Exodus the umbrella organisation has begun cancelling some of their conferences because of a lack of interest and attendance. Also their budget has been slashed in half. The leader of Exodus, Alan Chambers, has started to say that he believes that they have done harm.

Is Zack still in touch with his parents?

What I understand is that they have a relationship, but in terms of him being a gay person, it’s just not something they talk about. That’s something I can identify with. For the longest time I wanted to maintain a relationship with my family and I found that the only way I could do that was – not to hide any part of me or to lie – but just to not go there, not discuss those things. Now I’m getting married to the [man] I’ve been with five years and my father is suddenly blessing that relationship. So hopefully that’s the path that will happen for Zack. He’s living in East Tennessee, he’s going to school, he works in a retail store and he’s living the life of a kid in his early 20s. I think he’s doing well.

Are you going to get married in a state where gay marriage is legal?

No, Memphis is my home and I think we’re going to have a ceremony in the spring. It’s not going to be legal but it’s going to be affirmed by our friends and our family and that’s what’s most important to me. I don’t have an interest in going to a state where it’s legal because it won’t be recognised here in Tennessee. I’d just rather have a celebration with friends and family who support our relationship. That will be enough for me for now.

Can you look into your crystal ball and predict when gay marriage will be legal in Tennessee?

You know it might take a little bit but I feel that Obama in his second term could potentially shake stuff up. When interracial marriage was made legal [it was laid down in the case of Loving v Virginia in 1967] only 14% of the United States approved of interracial marriage. There’s already more support of gay marriage, but we don’t have a federal case that has made it legal. At some point that’s obviously going to have to be the route that’s taken. A vote is never going to go in favour of a minority on a local level [here]. But it won’t take another ten years.

 

• This Is What Love in Action Looks Like is available now on DVD through TLA Releasing

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