Santa’s sack is chock full of gay-themed revelry this festive season. Whether you’re gagging for an adult pantomime, some classical music, choral delights or anything else with a homoxual yuletide flavour, why don’t you ho, ho, ho’s check out this parcel full of loveliness…
• SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN POOFS: THE CLIMAX
The Green Carnation, 4-5 Greek Street, Soho W1D 4DD
4th December to 6th January: times vary
Tickets £18.50. Box Office: 0844 477 1000 or Ticketweb.co.uk
It goes without saying, that at QX Towers we love a climax, so even by its title this brash panto is a shoe-in! Ditching the original – and quite frankly less interesting dwarfs, Snow White returns with Sub, Dom and Muscle Mary, amongst others – finally some dwarfs we can get on board with! Tanya Hyde plays the youthful Snow White, while Mrs Moore is the ratchet old queen (in the play, that is).
Tanya Hyde
Snow White is back! What’s happening this time?
Well, this time around I have a new Evil Queen in the form of Mrs Moore, who was the alternate in last years show. Also, we’ve revamped it to make it a bit more up-to-date. Not major changes just the odd gag here and there.
For those who haven’t seen the production before, what can they expect? How is it different from your average panto?
Well, coming from someone who doesn’t really like panto, I love that our adult panto is so over the top and crude. I can say stuff in this show that I’d never get away with in everyday life.
Are there any similarities between you and your version of Snow White?
I’m not like Snow at all! She is ditsy, a bit thick and doesn’t actually notice things that are happening around her… Oh, actually, that’s just like me!
Mrs Moore
You’re one of the nicest drags on our glittering cabaret scene! How does it feel stepping into the role of evil queen?
Obviously, as I am such a lovely person, I have to channel my evil side… I am an actress after all! I think of the queen as Joan Crawford meets Shirley Bassey with a bit of Joan Rivers thrown in for good measure!
We’ve been promised naughtiness – how naughty does the show get exactly?
The show is full of innuendo and good old-fashioned sauce! The only downside playing the queen is I don’t get to sing “Pants down, arse out, feel a little prick!” [Laughs]. Hilda and the poofs sing that one, and it’s a blinder of a song.
Who would win in a fight between Mrs Moore and The Evil Queen?
I think the queen would win. A, because she is a bitch and B, Mrs Moore would be too drunk to throw a punch!
• BITCH! DYKE! FAGHAG! WHORE!
The Albany, Douglas Way, Deptford SE8 4AG
15th to 23rd December, 7.30pm
Tickets: £10-£18
Box Office: 020 8692 4446 or thealbany.org.uk
Who needs dreary office parties when you can ditch them for camp, crude and cocky comedy! From the seriousness of HIV heartbreak to the outrageous humour of a brothel receptionist, Penny Arcade leaves no satirical stone unturned! Now in its 20th year, Penny invites the audience to explore the exuberant events of New York’s downtown art scene in a nightclub-style theatre.
• COMATOSE BEAUTY
The RVT Panto
The Royal Vauxhall Tavern, 372 Kennington Lane, Vauxhall SE11 5HY
7pm on 5th, 6th, 12th, 13th, 19th, 20th, 27th & 28th December
Tickets £10 or £25 inc. meal: Ticketweb.co.uk
It’s that time of year and, of course, the RVT are doing their annual adults-only pantomime! So, what happens when a bitter old queen isn’t invited to the party? Can a lonesome widow protect her only child? And what kind of a man kisses a tranny in a coma, who’s lying in a glass case in the park? Cabaret legends Mzz Kimberley, Myra Dubois and Holestar are among the sparkling cast, and it’s directed by respected performance artist Scottee, so we know it’s gonna be a little bit special.
SCOTTEE
Tell us more about Comatose Beauty… How does it differ from the other adult pantos in gayland?
It’s good… There, I said it. A lot of the ‘adult pantos’ in London are a bit twee, and I think we’re all too common for that to be an option. We also try to make something that looks nice, as well as having some form of artistic merit, and a load of naff ‘he’s behind you’.
How did you get involved with it?
Technically I am an RVT artist in residence. My studio is above the Tavern, where I make all the costumes, props and bits for my shows, and I’ve been performing there since I was 18. I took over directing the panto three years ago and ‘shook it up’ a bit.
Yes, you’re directing, rather than starring… Which do you find more challenging?
Directing is dead easy; it’s all of the effort with none of the slap, wig and lashes. You get all the ideas in your head that you wouldn’t use in your own shows and donate them to a production. As long as you have the pretense of authority and don’t mind telling people ‘must try harder’, it’s a walk in the park.
What are this cast like to direct? Any divas?
All of them! It’s like directing the seven dwarfs – one is always late, the other can’t remember her words, one is forever looking in the mirror… the list goes on.
HOLESTAR
Tell us more about the plot and who you play…
I play the Fairy Drag Mother attempting to protect Belle from the evil clutches of late night Vauxhall hedonism. It’s like an episode of Shameless, but with singing. So it’s more like a fucked up version of Glee – but with fewer knob gags.
Who do you feel more of an affinity for when it comes to stock panto characters?
I do love a nasty witch! When I went to Disneyland, I booed the cute ones and cheered the baddies, which confused many a WASP family. I’d wanted to play a disgustingly vile cow, but Myra wrote herself into that role and, admittedly, she’s rather good at it.
ALP HAYDAR
How did you get involved with Comatose Beauty?
I’ve been performing at the RVT for a few years now and they asked me. It’s such a brilliant venue, with a fantastic team behind it. I suppose it’s that sense of family that attracts me to the place. God, I sound like such a needy bastard! Did I also mention that I’m single? I’m single. Anyway, the real reason I accepted the role was because of the money. It’s not a lot of money, but it keeps me and my mother, Sharia Law, off the streets, and her in hijabs and me in Primark socks.
Tell us more about who you play…
I play the Prince. My mother plays, well, the mother. It’s Sleeping Beauty meets Mariah Carey’s Glitter, with a subverted allusion to Ingmar Bergman’s The Seventh Seal… Ok, I haven’t read the script.
• THE LONDON GAY SYMPHONIC WINDS CHRISTMAS CRACKER
St. Sepulchre-without-Newgate Church, Holborn Viaduct, EC1A 2DQ
Saturday 8th December, 3pm
Tickets: £8 advance www.lgsw.org.uk or £10 on the door.
The LGSW welcome in Christmas with a charity concert for The Food Chain and Age UK. A band of around 40 LGBT woodwind, brass and percussionists will be performing festive favourites… And if you thought carolling couldn’t be further from ‘fierce’, these girls get a little Tyra on yo’ ass, with a mid-performance costume change (us gays, love an outfit switch). Everybody has guilty pleasures in Christmas songs, so this winter you can indulge while helping charity.
• DICK!
Leicester Square Theatre, 6 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX
29th November to 20th January. Show times vary.
Tickets £18.50
Box Office: 08448 733 433 or leicestersquaretheatre.com
Follow the adventures of Dick and his pussy (cat) in London searching for fame, fortune and friends (with benefits). In an adult panto that has more sexual innuendos than a Kelly Rowland song, you’re guaranteed laughs – and dick! Making her West End stage debut, Dusty O stars as Sofonda Cox (we bet she is!) bringing a dash of scandalous humour. It runs for over eight weeks, which means you’ve got plenty of time to go more than once!
DUSTY O
How did you get involved with Dick and why did you agree to do it?
I have been really keen to do something outside of my norm for ages. I love clubland and I’m blessed that Trannyshack is still doing so well after nine years, but I became very bored of the ‘working’ gigs. So when the opportunity came up to do a 64-show run in a West End theatre, I jumped at it. It is a massive amount of work, but I literally can’t wait!
Is Dick your first panto? Are you nervous about it?
We’ve done panto every year at Shack, but it is indeed my first ‘proper’ panto in a theatre. I am VERY nervous about it; I take nothing for granted but the cast, producers and directors seem to think I can do it, so I’ll give it my best shot!
Tell us more about the plot and who you play…
My character was written around my own personality. Her name is Sofonda Cox and she is a Soho personality and showgirl. She takes no shit and has a low tolerance threshold for fools. She’s sharp as a razor and ever so slightly cuntish. I love her! Basically, I just play myself.
Who do you feel more of an affinity for when it comes to stock panto characters?
I love baddies; they are more fun to play. The sweetie-pie characters would bore me. I have done 20 years on the club scene. Every ounce of sugar has been drained from my system [laughs] So it’s a lot easier and a lot more fun to play the evil characters!
• GET ALADDIN
The Landor Theatre, 70 Landor Road, Clapham, SW9 9PH
7th December to 6th January
Tue-Fri 7.30pm, Sat 3.30pm & 7.30pm, Sun 2pm & 6pm.
Tickets: £12 7th-9th December, £18 from 11th.
Box Office: 020 7737 7276
Above The Stage presents a hard-hitting and gritty spin on the classic Disney tale… Joke! It’s totally camp! Street rat Aladdin and his sketty mother flee their Chinese laundry in Clapham to the province of Hao Hung (oh hiiya), finding themselves in a battle of love and wits with the Emperor, his gay hot-geek son and a feisty genie. Now this sounds like a panto we could get into!
Jon Bradfield, Writer
We love that you’re back with another panto! Tell us about this year’s… What can we expect?
It’s about a young gay pickpocket from Clapham and his mum Widow Twankey (“single but experienced” as she puts it).
They somehow find themselves with a magic lamp stolen from the British Museum, so they flee to the badly researched Chinese province of Hao Hung, with the cops on their tail – and the evil Abanazer, with his servant the Gimp of the Ring.
There’s a lot of chaos in a laundry and a Chinese restaurant. And a flying carpet obviously. We just write “the carpet flies”, go for a pint and leave it to the designer to work out.
You’ve been known to have some hotties in your Christmas pantos – any eye candy this year? [Yet more serious journalism from QX Towers, haha!]
This interview is getting like Newsnight but without the editorial balls-ups [oh, just wait! – Ed]. But yes, hotties! the casting process is SUCH a chore… Greg Airey, who made fans and broke hearts playing the prince in Sleeping Beauty last year, has now graduated to leading man. He’s cute, he’s funny, he dances, he sings. And bakes… Bitch! (he’s probably horrible to kittens or something). He’ll take his top off at some point. And this year he gets a handsome prince of his own to fall in love with.
Due to the sad closure of the Above the Stag Theatre, this year’s panto is at The Landor Theatre. What are the differences in terms of space and staging?
We miss ATS, though it was a bit like performing on a bookshelf. At The Landor the stage is much deeper (even if the script isn’t) so there’ll be less chance of taking out a punter’s eye with a false tit. Also it’s near Kazbar and the Two Brewers, for any readers out there who only navigate by gay bar.
If you found a genie’s lamp and had three wishes, what would you wish for?
A transfer to The Palladium, gay marriage, and for Tom Daley to stop texting me – it’s getting really awkward.
• MERRIE HELL
Soho Downstairs, Soho Theatre, 21 Dean Street, Soho W1D 3NE29th November to 5th January
Tickets £10-£17.50. Box Office: 020 7478 0100
This new production at the Soho Theatre has merged our two favourite holidays (Christmas and Halloween) for a horrifying holiday tale! Legends David Hoyle and Richard Thomas come together with a trashy buffet of festive filth and sick songs. Delve into a laddered stocking stuffed with Crimbo melodies redolent of tinsel, telly, tears and terror.
David Hoyle
You and Richard Thomas worked together on ‘Uncle David’, but why did you decide to get together for this project?
Our collaboration on ‘Uncle David’ was an alchemy that couldn’t be ignored and had to be developed! Expect an evening of original songs
What are your thoughts on Christmas in 2012. Love it or loathe it?
I can’t believe it’s still going!
If you were in charge of Christmas, how would we celebrate it differently?
We would celebrate our common humanity and total emancipation from all dogma that stifles the human spirit.
• CAMP (AS CHRISTMAS)
The Roundhouse, Chalk Farm Road, Camden, NW1 E8H
13th December to 22nd December, 8pm
Tickets: £12.50 – £15. roundhouse.org.uk
http://sinderellawhataslut.eventbrite.co.uk/
If you thought you were camp after a couple vodka and cokes, you aint seen nothing yet! With legendary Scottee throwing on some cheap tinsel and TV rip offs, expect a spectacle of magic, poetry, hula hooping and, of course, lip synching.
In a plethora of camp clichés, limp wrists and catchy catch phrases! Featuring some of the world’s leading show offs, including the winner of Baghdad’s Got Talent, lip syncer and proper dancer Nando Messias, international hula hooper Donald Choi, funny fatty Jayde Adams, tap dance sensation Josephine Shaker, sort of magician Sue Hart, poetry slam runner-up and Geordie lass Cheryl Dole and Burger Queen winner Gloria Swansong, with video work from Susannah Hewlett feat. Amy Lamé – it’s gonna be a camp ol’ Christmas!
• THE DRAMA QUEENS PRESENT: SINDERELLA… WHAT A SLUT!!!
Two Brewers, 114 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UJ
11th, 12th, 13th, 18th, 19th, 20th December & 8th, 9th, 10th January
Tickets £15 plus booking fee Sinderellawhataslut.eventbrite.co.uk
The Drama Queens Drag Theatre Company are back with their very first adult pantomime. The DQs are known for their unique shows, so you can expect more of the same ‘twisted comic style’, written by the DQ’s creative and artist director Spike Rhodes, who’s brought several twists to the classic Cinderella story. This massive live production features leading ladies Titti La Camp, Rose Garden, Morag McDuff and Mitzi Macintosh, with the fabulous Cosmo~Tina, Matthew Delaney, Angel Rubio and Flirty Bertie, drag king extraordinaire.
Morag McDuff
Could you tell us more about Sinderella… What a Slut! It’s quite different for a DQ production isn’t it?
It’s our first panto and what a panto! It’s filled with the usual Spike Rhodes laughs, surprises and “Oh My God, did they just do that?!”. But now it’s also a live show, so expect to be brought even more into the story, as the cast can now tell you themselves what the hell is going on! And woe betide you if you decide to answer back, especially when Rose Garden is on stage!
How different is the rehearsal process now that’s it’s live rather than lip-syncing?
Rehearsing is near enough the same as any usual Drama Queen show, except we have to learn the script and say it live too, a first for the Drama Queens, but this makes the show more intimate. The characters are much more real and each performer brings their own character to life with gusto and pizzazz; just right for the festive panto season!
Tell us more about the Fairy Godmother, what’s she like?
She’s the narrator of the story and, in usual panto style, she’s Sinderella’s magical, overseeing guide to help her get the Prince of her dreams… OK, maybe in an unorthodox way or two! But she’s a fairy with a big heart and Sinderella’s well-being and happiness are at the top of her wish list.
Mitzi Macintosh
You’re back with the Drama Queens, yay! Tell us what we can expect from the show?
Spike has been busting to do panto, so he’s thrown everything you’d expect from into the mix – Oh yes he has – and added a large dose of filth, a sprinkling of topical humour and a throbbing appendage. Don’t bring the children!
You’re the Evil Step Mother, Baroness Bitch Hardon – tell me about her. How vile is she exactly?
I’m not sure you can judge a Mother who is protective of her daughters, but at the same time has her black heart set on world domination. Sometimes when you multi-task, tact goes out the window… If you have a dream, her’s is to annihilate the Royal Family, then the only way forward is an inspiration board and determination.
Who would win in a fight between her and Mitzi?
The Evil Stepmother Baroness Bitch Hardon would. She has evil powers and everybody knows I don’t have a nasty bone in my body…
• CARRY ON CAROLLING
London Gay Men’s Chorus
The Piazza, Covent Garden, WC2E
Performances on 1st, 8th, 15th & 22nd December
It wouldn’t be the festive season without a White Christmas… not that kind! Enter the LGMC, illuminating Covent Garden by turning on the, ahem, fairy lights, as well as with their gorgeous voices and harmonies, they’ll be presenting you with all of your favourite holiday classics. Listen to the ethereal voices of the fabulous London Gay Men’s Chorus on Saturday mornings at The Piazza in Covent Garden… It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas!
• SUPREME FABULETTES
Leicester Square Theatre, 6 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX
Wednesday 19th December, 9:45pm
Tickets: £19.50 via 08448 733433 or online at www.leicestersquaretheatre.com
The Supreme Fabulettes have decked the halls with holly and mistletoe, trimmed their tree and are dreaming of a cool Yuletide singalong! Miss Vanilla Lush, Miss Vicki Vivacious and Miss Mary Mac are celebrating their first Christmas together by throwing a festive feel-good party for 400 special guests at Leicester Square Theatre. Boy George has even written a special festive song for them called ‘You Ruined My Christmas’. Joining the girls to sing his own Christmas favourites is The Voice contestant Sam Buttery, who is earning rave reviews for his stage debut as Leigh Bowery in the Boy George musical, Taboo.
• LONDON GAY SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA PRESENT: A CHRISTMAS CONCERT
St Sepulchre-without-Newgate, Holborn Viaduct, EC1A 2DQ
Sunday 9th December
www.wegottickets.com/event/187523
www.lgso.org.uk
On a Sunday evening the City of London is usually sleeping. But on Sunday the 9th December the London Gay Symphony Orchestra will be sprinkling some fairy dust over St Sepulchre, and awakening it from its beauty slumber for their Christmas Concert, featuring audience favourites (and camp classics) by the Tchaikovsky, Rimsky-Korsakov, Dvorak and Sibelius.
And if that isn’t enough to warm your heartstrings, they’ll also be serving the season’s must-have mince pies and mulled wine.
• LONDON GAY BIG BAND & FRIENDS PRESENT: A CHRISTMAS GALA
The Two Brewers 114 Clapham High Street, London, London SW4 7UJ
Sunday 16th December, 7:30pm
Tickets: £8 in advance from www.londongaybigband.com and £10 on the door
London Gay Big Band brings an evening of big band jazz, Christmas favourites and some of the best names in cabaret to the festive music calendar. The band is joined by special guest singers Jonathan Bullock, Charlotte Peters, Matthew Crowe and La Voix (winner of Drag Idol 2012), and the hosts for the evening are award-winning cabaret duo Crystal d’Canter and Kelly Mild. The programme includes ‘Sleigh Ride’, ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’, ‘Santa Baby’, ‘Fever’, ‘That’s Life’ and ‘All of Me’. Camp, gurl!
