Wednesday nights will never be the same again, as Circa plans to keep you captivated with four stellar spinners on rotation and a plethora of buff boys. Detained is Soho’s hottest new midweek sesh, and we sent master interrogator/petite criminal Lee Dalloway to get the DJs to confess to their own tales of wrongdoing…
KINGSLEY
When I was 15, myself and three friends (Craig, Jenny and Sarah) thought it would be a good idea to break into the house that was in-between sales and had no residents. We found a way in through the patio doors and later that night we took a load of food there, CD player – with Spice Girls CDs and blankets.
As we started our little party we noticed blue flashing lights, and a swarm of policemen came into the house. We tried to hide in the loft but they found us assumed that Craig and I were trying to do something with Jenny and Sarah… like what, braid their hair?
The police escorted us back home, and my father opened the door, stoned and eating Nutella spread sandwiches, whilst my mother kept screaming, “I can’t believe you’ve done this” whilst freaking out that the house smelt of weed!
ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK
About four years ago, I was outside The Joiners Arms, known for its quick pick ups and riotous revellers! Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a slut by any means, but one night I was out to have some fun!
I saw this adorable, rosy-cheeked 19-yr-old, standing in line. I knew if that child got in the club he would be ruined forever, and after chatting him up for fifteen minutes, it occurred to me I couldn’t let this young delicacy get eaten up by depraved vultures.
So I suggested we took a wholesome walk, back to mine, and we’ve been together ever since.
It just goes to show the early bird catches the worm, and you HAVE to get them before they get on Grindr!
MUNROE BERGDORF
Well, I haven’t always been a good girl… Actually, growing up, I was a bit of a nightmare child! When I was about seven I was begrudgingly sent to piano lessons by my parents. I hated taking them so much that I obviously thought I’d make the time spent at my poor teacher’s house worth my while.
Basically, I robbed the poor woman. After being told off for not doing my prep from the previous lesson, I though I’d show the old dear who was really in charge… So I stole a packet Fruit Pastels and a box of Cuban cigars from her kitchen.
I then went back to my primary school and attempted to smoke one in the toilet. The smell of cigar smoke billowing out of the toilet cubicle didn’t go unnoticed but if it wasn’t for my piano teacher calling the school and telling them she suspected me of stealing a birthday present for her husband, my accusation that it was actually Rosa, the school cleaner, smoking in the loo would have stuck!
Thankfully somewhere along my path I didn’t turn out to be the sociopath I was showing indications of becoming… Hangs head in shame.
KRIS DI ANGELIS
I came out of a club with QX’s very own Lee Dalloway and I decided the best place we should have a spliff was the dodgiest street in Soho, in my experience a place no policeman dares to tread. However, two plain-clothed screws approach us wielding badges and asked what we were smoking.
“I’ve just been dumped!” I shrieked, to massive laughter from that evil cow Dalloway. They assured me I hadn’t done a REALLY bad thing and that a warning will suffice.
However, when the officer told my flouncing, cardigan-loving, ankle-boot wearing (but with flawless skin) compadre his weed was shit, he unleashed a tirade reminiscent of the great Edina Monsoon. “Why aren’t you down at Leicester Square arresting the drunk people throwing bottles around and smashing up KFC?”
It got quite heated, with myself and the policeman dealing with me telling our respective teammates to calm down! I’ve never switched teams so fast in my life!
• Detained is every Wednesday at Circa, 62 Frith Street, Soho, W1D 3JN, open until 1am.
