The Glory Christmas Party

19/12/15: Well DING bloody DONG! The Glory’s Christmas party was insane.
Mariah would have pulled up in her sleigh, taken one look, and then shook her mane and driven on down the road to get a kebab and a Rubicon. I feel like Mariah likes Rubicons. Mango & passionfruit flavour. Being The Glory, they had, of course, decked their halls out in festive finery. John Sizzle probably just ran around the 99p shop in heels with a trolley, but the effect was stunning. More tinsel than Ariana Grande’s toilet seat. Does Ariana Grande’s toilet seat have tinsel on it, you ask? YES IT DOES. They had loads and loadsa performers doing christmassy things! Annie Pics, who’s name I’ve only just got, was almost literally swinging from the rafters, and of course our favourite carbohydrate Jacqui Potato was full of beans (and coleslaw, but we won’t go there). Then there was queen of the estauary Diane Chorley, giving a wonderfully condescending and thin-lipped performance. If you haven’t heard of Diane, she’s a bit like the wife from Abigail’s Party. But bitchier and funnier. Then there were beats from that Jim Stanton, who can usually be found pushing pony pop and equine electro at Horsemeat Disco. And of course Jonny Woo presided over it all in his ambient avian manner. Oh, shout out to David Ames from Holby City who I met in the smoking area! He plays a gay, apparently. I told him I used to like Chrissy off Holby City, and he said she’d BEEN TO THE GLORY, and really enjoyed John Sizzle’s moves, apparently. So there we are.

281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS

Words by Dylan Jones

Photos by Holly Revell

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