John Sizzle

Bar News

Posted on August 19, 2015

Bank Holiday Barn Dance at The Glory - Sun 30th Aug

Yee-ha! It’s a ho-down, you Haggerston hoes! Yes, it’s a Barn Dance at The Glory. There’ll be a wagon (SHOW ME THE WAGON WHEEL WATUSI) trundling past that Tesco by the station with hot topless cowboys falling off it. Sachets of lube and bits of Jacqui Potato’s accessories flying out across Kingsland Road. Dig out your best denim Daisy Duke hotpants and channel Jessica Simpson. Jonbenet Blonde might be there, who’s actually a lot like Jessica Simpson but with way more charisma and natural talent.

If you’re lucky you might see Ginger Johnson too, milking a cow to the tune of Everything She Wants by Wham. Or being milked by a cow. Not to mention that Jonny Woo, clopping around, swinging his hips with gusto and being condescending with a Stetson. We want Django to turn up, played by Jamie Foxx. Those cheekbones. Hot. We’ll see. Basically it’s going to be a fucking mess, there’s going to be hay in the air and drunk men on the floor. Just wear a checkered shirt and hope for the best. 

The Glory, 281 Kingsland Road, E2 8AS. 2pm – midnight. Free entry. 

 

Bloc Bar – Fri 28th Aug

Nestled picturesquely between a branch of Subway and a piercing parlour…it’s Bloc Bar! Ice tinkles in glasses and the barmen have a twinkle in their eye. You may spot Lady Lloyd spinning such seminal classics as Do It Like A Dude by Jessie J (JUH JUH JESSIE JAY). There’s a big wooden wall too. We call it the ‘sauna wall’. Just a stone’s throw away from Camden Station. Some people travel thousands of miles to see this sort of thing, and take photos and put it on Facebook. For YOU, it’s only a tube journey away! Aren’t you lucky!

18 Kentish Town Road, NW1 9NX. 5pm – 1am. Free entry. 

 

Circa – Fri 28th Aug

MONEY. SUCCESS. FAME. GLAMOUR. Beer! Bar men that look like they’ve fallen out of…well…THE PAGES OF QX MAGAZINE! Imagine! Munroe Bergdorf will be there serving executive realness with a generous dose of salacious Soho campery. She loves a shoulder pad, does our Munni B. ‘Av a double gin and tonic. Go on. It’s lovely. GO ON.

Circa, 62 Frith Street, W1D 3JN. 1pm – 1am. Free entry.  

 

BJ’s White Swan – Sat 29th Aug

She’s got lots of layers, and she looks great laid out on a dining table on a Sunday afternoon…it’s Lola Lasagne at the inimitable, infamous, instantaneous White Swan! The White Swan is Limehouse’s premier gay venue, dontchaknow. Go for a few lovely pints, then perhaps some lovely chicken at one of the area’s many chicken establishments. Sauce on the side. 

BJ’s White Swan, 552 Commercial Road, E14 7JD. 5pm – 5am. Free entry before 10:30pm, £5 after.

 

West 5 – Sat 29th Aug

Not only is Ealing home to one of the country’s biggest film studios and six branches of McDonalds (SIX), it’s home to West 5. It’s a gay pub slash club slash performance venue in a quaint-looking Tudor building. Lovely. This week they’re playing host to Katrina, ex Katrina and the Waves. Known for such hits as Walking on Sunshine. She also sung backing vocals for Torn by Natalie Imbruglia! Bet you didn’t know THAT.

West Five Bar, Popes Lane, W5 4NB. 8pm – 3am. Tickets £5.

 

City of Quebec – Mon 31st Aug

This Bank Holiday Monday it’s karaoke at City of Quebec, Marble Arch’s oldest gay boozer. This is old-school campery of the best kind, with host Chris Reardon. Emancipate yourself with Mariah! Or go Wherever, Whenever with Shakira! That’s quite a good ethos actually, going wherever, whenever. It’s certainly what we do. In fact, where are we now? Where are YOU? Can you send your location?

12 Old Quebec Street, W1H 7AF. 9:30pm onwards. Free entry. 

 

Two Brewers – Mon 3rd Sept

GIRD YOUR LOINS! Two Brewers is seeing out the summer with ten hours of sassy salacious silliness! Their End of Summer Party! And there isn’t even an excuse not to go, because it’s all in aid of the brilliantly named cancer charity Cancer is a Drag. Among the catty coven of talent on show are Sandra, Miss Penny, Connie Lingus, and Kara Van Park. We’re not even going to say anything more, the names speak for themselves.

114 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UJ. 4pm – 2am. Free before 6pm, £4 donation after. 

 

Hippodrome – Tue 1st Sept

It’s Jon Cozart at Leicester Square’s Hippodrome. He’s famous for Youtube videos! How modern! How 21st century! Wonder if he’s on Grindr. His biggest video, a Disney parody ‘Ever Ever After’, has had 70 million views! That’s, like, the population of France. Or the amount of people who bought Let Your Head Go by Victoria Beckham which, as we all know, is the highest-selling record of all time. Anyway, Jon’s lovely and charming go see him!

The Hippodrome Casino, Leicester Square, WC2H 7JH. 8pm. Tickets from £15.  

 

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