Let’s Get Romantical – we meet queer couples from across the London scene

Queer Couples

Valentine’s Day is all about being IN LOVE, right? Look, we know it’s a bit sappy. We know it’s a lot to do with selling pretty cards. We know Katherine Heigl has an…interesting method of acting. 


But 2020’s got off to a spectacularly horrible start, so why not exercise a bit of escapism and feel the love?! Love’s really important right now, we need each other now more than ever, so let’s cultivate and value those few special people in the world who we do love.

We spoke to three London couples and got the lowdown on their lovin’ – in the words of Madonna, GIMME ALL YOUR LUVIN, GIMME YOUR LUV.


Mark & Jason, Sweatbox

Queer Couples
Photograph by of Chris Jepson
www.MrandMrFord

MARK

What was your first impression of Jason?

First meeting: As long he gets rid of that awful hair do, I can probably work with the rest. First date: He’s a bit quiet but maybe he’s shy. First impressions can be very, very wrong. First date was also the first and last time he ever cooked for me.

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What’s his weirdest habit?

He’s a geek tart – lurching from one geek obsession to another. First it was Star Wars now it’s Harry Potter so slowly all the Darth Vader keepsakes in the house are being usurped by broomsticks and wands. Next Christmas I’m going to ask our friends to stop sending us stuff and send us more shelving space instead.

What did you tell your friends about him when you first met?

Nothing. I don’t have any friends.

Who would play you both in a jolly Richard Curtis romcom about your relationship?

I guess I’d have to play myself as anyone else would just get it wrong.   Jason is already being played very successfully by Catherine O’ Hara (Moira Rose in Schitt’s Creek)

What do you do DELIBERATELY to wind him up?

I suspect my being wound up is more of a by-product than a motive there.   When he’s choosing an outfit, I always sneak a look at the price label then insist that the cheaper one suits him much better.

And What’s his best quality?

That, whilst he’s filled our world with provocation, deviation and non-conformity, somehow the most transgressive act he’s achieved is that we’re also a self-identifying heteronormative 1950’s housewife and hubby. True subversives don’t shy away from the norms.   

JASON

What was your first impression of Mark?

Well it was 2007 and I was still very much mourning the loss of Sex & The City, so my first impression was I think I’ve met my Big.

What’s his weirdest habit?

He flosses his teeth in bed. Honestly, if I wake up with one more time with one of those interdent brushes sticking into me..

What did you tell your friends about him when you first met?

I believe I said he was a bit cocky but I kinda liked that. And that he used to be in tv, but now he seems to be a dilettante.

Who would play you both in a jolly Richard Curtis romcom about your relationship?

I’d have to say Mads (Hannibal) Mikkelsen for Mark as he has the perfect manners and grumpy face. And the only person I would want to play me right now would Billy Porter. Or Scarlett Johansson.

What do you do DELIBERATELY to wind him up?

Buy more and more outlandish clothing, because you can never have enough hats, gloves or shoes…

And what’s his best quality?

Mark rarely thinks INSIDE the box. I love the way his mind works and the way he challenges me to think harder.


Ellen & Frances

Queer Couples

ELLEN

What was your first impression of Frances?

She was dressed as a patchwork clown. I liked her smile, thought she had a good sense of humour, and l respected the commitment to Halloween. 

What’s her weirdest habit?

I’m sworn to secrecy on some of these. Not finishing tv shows or books if she doesn’t want them to end makes the top five.

What did you tell your friends about her when you first met?

I think I babbled on about all sorts. Definitely mentioned her (adorable) dog a few times.

Who would play you both in a Richard Curtis romcom about your relationship?

I can see Lily Tomlin playing Frances, and Sam Waterston as me if we’re being straight-washed, Emma Thompson if not. I can’t think of anyone below fifty, so make of that what you will.

What do you do DELIBERATELY to wind her up?

Making fun of one of the unmentionable weird habits. This question has made me think maybe I don’t do enough winding up and should invest in some practical jokes.

And what’s her best quality?

She’s passionate, super intelligent, loves to laugh. Did I mention the dog already? It’s a great dog.

FRANCES

What was your first impression of Ellen?

That she was very beautiful, very tall and by far the most interesting person in GAY Late.

What’s her weirdest habit?

I can’t think of any one thing but feel I may have enough for the both of us.

What did you tell your friends about her when you first met?

Probably incomprehensible excited noises down the phone.

Who would play you both in a Richard Curtis romcom about your relationship?

If we’re going from his existing movies 100% Christine Baranski and Julie Walters in Mamma Mia! Here we go again!

What do you do DELIBERATELY to wind her up?

Not so much deliberate as deeply necessary but maybe always closing my eyes in horror movies and making her tell me what’s happening.

And what’s her best quality?

She’s so thoughtful, brilliant and amazingly creative but most of all that she happily and willingly came to see Cats the movie with me.


Phil & Snow White Trash

Queer Couples

PHIL

What was your first impression of Snow?
Who is this confident creature with bright pink hair?

What’s his weirdest habit?

He gets into bed and wriggles and bumps long after I’ve got into bed, waking me up then I can’t sleep

What did you tell your friends about her when you first met?

I told them I’d met a strange elf with pink hair who is always happy and full of determination.

Who would play you both in a Richard Curtis romcom about your relationship?

Leonardo DiCaprio and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

What do you do DELIBERATELY to wind him up?

I put things on his side of the bed; laptop, crisp packets, books

And what’s his best quality?

His positivity and commitment to his craft and friendships.

SNOW WHITE TRASH

What was your first impression of Phil?

We were in a bar and I pointed him out to the friend I was with and said “look at him, he is so handsome.” And I liked his blazer.

What’s his weirdest habit?

He doesn’t really have any weird habits… he’s obsessed with Formula1, does that count?

What did you tell your friends about him when you first met?

He lives in London and look how beautiful he is!

Who would play you both in a Richard Curtis romcom about your relationship?

Ben Whishaw would play me, and Leonardo Di Caprio would play Phillip.

What do you do DELIBERATELY to wind him up?

Drink a pint of water very loudly in bed as soon as I wake up when he’s still sleeping.

And what’s his best quality?

How charming and caring he is.

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