17/01/19: Last Thursday night, the wizarding community of Vauxhall gathered at iconic queer magical establishment The Royal Vauxhall Tavern, which has hidden in plain sight from the Muggle world for over a hundred and fifty years, for a night of mischief and madness. I myself (attractive blonde Rita Skeeter, forty-three, whose savage quill has punctured many inflated reputations) looked out at the crowd and wondered – what quirks lurked beneath those Topman t-shirts? What mysteries did the muscle queens mask? Did courage lie beneath those Central St Martin undergraduate degrees? In short, what made a quiz contestant tick? Me, myself and I wanted to know. Not to mention my ravid readers. It was all conjoured by a mysterious society called “The Lost Diaphragm”, led by suspected Death Eater Jason Ford. Indeed, the Dark Lord himself was in attendance, sporting Harry Potter’s glasses, of all things! Ravenclaws and Griffindors were delights as always, but it will come as a surprise to absolutely no-one that all the Hufflepuffs behaved like total sluts.
The Royal Vauxhall Tavern, 372 Kennington Lane, SE11 5HY
Photos by Colin Creevey
Words by Rita Skeeter