This week the Mind Yourself London-Irish LGBT group launches, which inspired us at QX to find out more about the Irish men and boys living in the English capital. From a gay Roman Catholic priest to the owner of Ku Bar to a sometime gogo dancer in East Bloc, we’ve rounded up as varied as possible a group of amiably lilting voices to speak to us here.
They tell us what it was like growing up gay in both the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland (still part of the UK), why they came to London to live and how they think attitudes have progressed in their place of birth today…
Gary Henshaw
49, owner of Ku Bar
Born in Malahide, County Dublin, Republic of Ireland
I grew up in a small town in Malahide which is about twelve miles from Dublin city centre but it may as well have been a thousand miles for the difference it made. It was very Catholic, very conservative. I was, as far as I was concerned, the only gay in the world, I had no exposure to other gay people whatsoever. I was born in the 60s, and so it was really the late 70s/80s when I began to realize I was gay and explore my sexuality.
I came out to my Mum when I was twenty and then, with difficulty, to my Dad. They weren’t too pleased, but now they’ve come round full circle. At the time there just weren’t any other gay people, it’s as simple as that, we just didn’t know anyone who was gay.
I left Ireland to find a gay lifestyle where it was more acceptable and spent a year in Copenhagen which was very, very liberal. Guys holding hands and kissing. It completely opened my eyes to how comfortable you could be being gay because in Dublin it was very behind closed doors and hidden. I popped into London for a month in 1990 and I’ve never left it, so I’m here twenty-three years now. I don’t think I ever decided to settle; London gets you rather than you get London. It’s a fantastic city, it’s full of opportunities, I do love London.
I travel back to Ireland regularly though, I see my family and friends, I’ve watched it develop and it has come on in leaps and bounds. I love going to Gay Pride in Dublin because when I see the number of gay people, it’s nothing like when my generation was around. Dublin now is a very liberal city and Ireland’s a liberal country with its laws and the whole reaction to gay people over there now has completely changed. There’s nobody who I wouldn’t be out to in Ireland anymore and everybody knows.
Ku Bar is at 30 Lisle Street, WC2H 7BA and in Soho at 25 Frith Street, WC1D 5LB
Terry Stewart
61, Mind Yourself
Born in Belfast, Northern Ireland before moving to Donegal and Dublin in the Republic of Ireland
To be honest it was difficult being heterosexual in Ireland, so homosexuality was definitely a ticket to hell. The guilt was piled on and it was very difficult maintaining ones sanity, in total isolation and with no one to turn to.
I left for London in 1975 because I wanted a much more open and free life. My family were glad to see the back of me as I was becoming a bit of an embarrassment to them. That is not to say that they were not a loving family. It was the power of the Church which pushed them down that road. The Catholic Church didn’t just rule in the Chapel, they controlled every aspect of life within the community. Rev Paisley was also running a campaign called ‘Save Ulster from Sodomy’.
I did experience some anti-Irish prejudice here, but on the whole I found England a very open and welcoming country. Yes there was racism and all sorts of prejudice, but it was possible to challenge it and make a difference. I love this country and I love its people, who come from all corners of the globe. And that is why I have made it my home.
I also love Ireland: the culture, music and everything about it. I eventually went to my father’s funeral and it was a second coming out. All my family took the opportunity to openly express their love of me and my sexuality. My nephews and nieces all talked about their ‘Gay Uncle Terry’ in the most positive ways. Yes, Ireland has changed for the better, but that is not to say that some young men and women are still not suffering.
Emmett Garvin
24, Doctor
Born in County Limerick, Republic of Ireland Emmett currently lives in Ireland after having experienced living in London.
I regret to say I am involved in a court case at the moment due to a homophobic incident that occurred in January this year. My boyfriend at the time and I had been entering a shop that belongs to a well-known chain of supermarkets, when we were called “faggots” by security for kissing in the shop, and told to leave. This, as well as being hurtful and embarrassing, was very surprising, considering the location was Dublin city centre and within walking distance to the gay clubs.
Attitudes are always progressing favourably towards the LGBT community in Ireland, however. I experienced this first-hand from the overwhelming amount of support I received after that incident from the public, colleagues, friends, and family. That alone was very special to me because after that incident, I had felt guilty and ashamed for being gay for the first time since I came out.
The gay community generally in Ireland could do with a bit of expansion and investment! Granted, there is a big population difference between our LGBT community and that of London’s, but in my experience as a naive young gay guy, it certainly feels more “semi-interesting fashion statement” than sensational statement of sexuality to tell people you are gay in London compared to here! That said, the voice of the Irish LGBT community is louder than ever before, and to be honest, it’s an exciting time to be a member of this community when so many positive changes are occurring.
Conan O’Neill
27, Head of Operations
Born in Derry, Northern Ireland
It was difficult growing up gay… I always wanted to wear a dress but my dad told me he already had two daughters and to get to work on the farm. No, seriously, I knew I was gay from a very young age (probably since I was 10 or even younger) but didn’t feel I had an opening to come out and be myself. I’m from a part of the country where everyone is staunchly Catholic and being rural, it’s a little backwards. I didn’t know anyone gay growing up so didn’t have a role model or anyone I felt I could confide in and didn’t ‘come out’ to my family until I had moved to London.
I knew from a young age London offered the freedom I needed to be myself as well as providing other opportunities that wouldn’t necessarily have been within grasp in Derry! I can’t really draw any comparisons. I didn’t experience ‘gay life’ in Ireland as I remained in the closet until I left. I understand Belfast and Dublin have their own scenes but have yet to experience these. I love the gay scene in London (if a little crazy at times) and have made many good friends along the way.
I dont go back as often as I should, but I feel attitudes are changing slowly. I think religion and the ‘Catholic ideal’ that gets instilled into you at school has a lot to answer for. Also, I feel it doesn’t help that people (like myself) move away and therefore fail to confront the change needed for more positive steps or just to be role models for other gay people growing up. Ireland will always be my home, but unless things change significantly I can’t see myself moving back anytime soon.’
Conan hosts at Kris di Angelis’s night War and models for Circa Bar in Soho.
Martin Butcher
23, Photographer & Soho Bartender
Born in Dungiven, County Derry, Northern Ireland
I was raised on a farm in the middle of the countryside and didn’t really have many gay influences growing up. It was only when I entered secondary school did I hear the term ‘gay’. High school is when I started to realise about myself, but I didn’t have any trouble at school. Some boys in my school got heavily bullied for being gay and for them school was torture. I got a very smooth ride and I’m not really sure why, I seemed to bypass the name calling and daily prodding.
I entered high school being very good friends with the ‘jocks’, as we had all grown up with each other and went to primary school together, so I guess in a way they just never had a problem with me being gay. But for a lot of people growing up gay in Ireland is still very taboo. I think this is determined by your environment, i.e larger cites vs small towns, how much religion dominates your community and but mostly the views of your own family and how they see it.
There is a small gay scene back home, but it doesn’t compare to London. I have only really been out on the scene back home a handful of times. London’s is so diverse with people from across the globe, and for me that makes it so much more fun. I have found that the scene at home is very cliquey and they notice a ‘new gay’ instantly, at least in London if you want to go out and not see anyone you know, you can. London caters to every guy’s preference and type, from what you find attractive to where you want to party.
But Ireland has come a long way since I lived there. I can go to a straight club and kiss a guy and aside from a few shocked faces nothing is said or done. I think Ireland’s younger generation isn’t being brought up with the same stigmas or attitudes towards the LGBT community.
Bernárd Lynch
66, Roman Catholic Priest
Born in Ennis, County Clare, Republic of Ireland
Growing up “gay” in Ireland was impossible! Everything sexual was sin. There were no words for the feelings of attraction I had for other boys. So I tried to bury them. Eventually, at the age of seventeen I decided to enter the monastery as there was no way I could even imagine getting married to a woman.
I was sent to New York in 1975 for further studies and it was there I found my gay soul. I came to London in 1992 and continued working as a priest with gay men dying of HIV/AIDS at CARA and London Lighthouse.
Ireland has no metropolis and so the gay scene even in Dublin is small. Yet, things have changed radically. Senator David Norris – the first out gay politician in Europe – and others have done Trojan work to move the country into the 21st century.
My husband Billy and I have had a holiday home on the Atlantic coast for over twenty years. We are totally out and accepted in this most rural and remote part of Ireland. We always fly the Pride flag when we are in residence. I could imagine living in Ireland now and celebrating the freedom I and so many of my co-patriots had to find by leaving the land of our birth.
‘John’
Mid-sixties
Born in Dublin, Republic of Ireland
I never heard the word of anybody being gay. Not even on building sites, no one would say ‘I met someone who was gay’, that word was never used. In the 1970s I went to a place in South George Street in Dublin, there was a pub and it was known for people who didn’t conform to normal behaviour. Then I went across the road where there was swimming baths, and in there were all these guys, nude. One of the blokes had the horn and two blokes in the corner were shagging each other, and that was in 1972!, but I just looked.
I didn’t grow up gay in Ireland, I lived a full heterosexual life. I dared to imagine it and then I felt guilty and if a woman even thought for one moment that I could even be attracted to a man then she wouldn’t want to know me. Everything used to rest upon if you don’t get a way with women then you’ve had it. People used to say at twenty years of age, if you don’t get married soon you’ll be left on the shelf.
I began to think in 2006 that I could be bisexual, not because I fell in love with a man, it’s just I would go to places that are gay, saunas and the like, for sex, just for that reason alone. Now, if something goes wrong I can go to a sauna and say hello ‘John or Bill’ and if they’re there the next week they are and if they’re not they’re not. And I can meet someone on the Internet and you’re not depending on the mercy of a woman that she has to like you. I don’t feel I have to fit in or anything like that, I’m independent and I’m not screwed up.
Darren Kruse
23, Blog Editor
Born in Wexford, Republic of Ireland
Growing up gay in Ireland, I was lucky enough to have a lot of support from my family so any difficulties that I encountered were made much easier with their support.
In Ireland, you know most of the people on the gay scene in the whole country. There’s an anonymity to the gay community here, which I enjoy. I feel the attitude towards gay people in London and in Berlin is so much further ahead than when I go back to Ireland. Despite me feeling that it might be a little bit behind, it still may have progressed a lot.
I could definitely imagine going back to live in Ireland. It will be after I’ve started my family and reached a certain point in my career, but I would love to return there some day. It’s home.
Daniel McCamphill
43, Writer & Producer, Disturbance Production Company
Born in Ballymena, Country Antrim, Northern Ireland
It was pretty crap growing up gay in Ireland. A fair bit of verbal abuse, fistfights, isolation. The sectarian nature of society in the North of Ireland at that time meant that the churches were significant. I was brought up Catholic, meaning lots of self-hatred, but in a fundamentalist Protestant town, meaning lots of hatred from others. Meeting my mate Paul, who was my age and gay also, was a major breakthrough.
I came to London to go to university. There was no choice to be made. I went through the UCAS guide applying to colleges with London in the title. I had been over once before and had gone clubbing in Heaven and I just knew I had to get back to London. That was where I was meant to be.
London is full of choice, which in practice means that you cherry-pick what suits you. I have my own gay friends and a few venues I go to, but most of the scene I can live without. It’s like London theatre – most people love that it’s there but only go to see a play once or twice a year. Likewise with the scene, I don’t go out as much as I used to but it’s reassuring to know I can. Of far greater importance I think is the concentration of LGBT people living here. That sense that you can walk down the streets with a partner holding hands.
