Holi cari! From Madrid’s WE Party, to the Ibiza Pride Pre-Party, to Barcelona’s Circuit Pre-Party, it’s one hell of a Spanish fiesta in south London this weekend. To save you from behaving like a Brit aboard in Benidorm, we asked Dom Top, QX’s resident Hispanophile and writer of (unpublished) autobiography ‘Spain in my Ass’, to take us through the dos and don’ts of partying with your Spanish amigas…
- Mean what you say: the Englishman’s stereotypical politeness is endlessly frustrating to Spaniards. Bullshit and lip service is NOT appreciated.
- Pay your respects to the Spanish queens in London: La Pequeña, Gretta Gargola, Deborah Diblanc, Raul Pony… they made a lot of effort with their looks, so obedecer las reinas! Especially if they want a cheeky besito.
- Know your basic Spanish geography: Madrid is the third biggest city in Europe and one of the world’s most beautiful. It’s also landlocked, so asking questions like “What are the best beaches in Madrid?” will likely go down about as well as a poop in the paella. Familiarise yourself with places like Barcelona, Seville and Sitges, too.
- Be generous: not just with drinks (although buying una cerveza at Beyond won’t hurt) but with your time, your attention, your home and your heart. Show you are not a fair-weather friend and it’s amigas x 100pre!
- Have a sense of humour: The Spanish are a very warm and hilarious people. They love to laugh, (seriously, check out shows like Sálvame for a taste of Spanish humour) so crack some good jokes, zorra.
- Learn some Spanish: Your friends have made a lot of effort to speak your native tongue, show them some appreciation and brush-up on some español. Check out our handy phrase key for starters.
- Make fun of any mispronunciations: It’s trashy and not clever. Can you speak flawless Spanish? Or Catalan? Or Basque? No. You probably can’t.
- Expect to be going to bed early: If there was a nation of party people, it’s the people of Spain and they do it well. Grab a coffee, head to the Ibiza Pride Pre-Party, and brace yourself, you’re in this hasta mañana.
- Sit down and stare at your phone:Jesucristo! You’re in WE Party, get up, enjoy the shows, the pyrotechnics and, most of all, the dancing! Estoy bailando contigo!
- Once again, don’t be so bloody British: If you don’t like something, say it! There’s nothing more annoying to Spanish people than the British obsession with putting up and shutting up. Honesty is the best policy.
Cariño/Cari – Darling. Perfect substitute for “babe”, or whatever you use when you can’t remember a name.
Salimos esta noche? – Are you out tonight? Hint: the answer is always ‘SI!’
Venga! – Come! Not like that, you dirtbag, as in ‘hurry!” You don’t wanna get stuck in the queue all night.
Guapo – A handsome gentleman. A nice one to slip into the conversation with that cute boy from Bilbao
Osea, perdona? – Uhhh, excuse me? If you’ve got a weave, now is the time to flip it.
Que te jodan! – Fuck you! Always handy to know.
Lo más – Literally “the most”. Use it like you would “awesome!” etc
Puta – I love you. Jajajaaa KIDDING! It means ‘whore’.
That should get you started, cari. Suerte!
MADRID IN LONDON…
WE Party: Prison is at Coronet Theatre (8 New Kent Road, SE1 6TJ), Saturday 2nd May, 11pm-7am.
IBIZA IN LONDON…
Beyond: Official Ibiza Gay Pride Pre-Party is at Fire (South Lambeth Road, SW8 1RT), Sunday 3rd May, 4:30am-superlate.
BARCELONA IN LONDON…
Circuit Festival: Daytime Terrace Party is at Ministry of Sound (103 Gaunt Street SE1 6DP), Sunday 3rd May, midday-9pm.
• All three events are available as part of the May Bank Holiday Big Ticket, £30 advance. www.orangenation.co.uk/tickets/