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Okay, not really. But almost everyone that featured in Queerty headline in the past year. It’s a who’s who of “who’s that?” gay celebrities that your teenage nephew will know. Quickly pegged as the anthem for this year’s Pride season, “You Need To Calm Down” takes aim at homophobic, transphobic and Taylor-phobic haters and tells them to take several seats. Today she’s just dropped a video for the single which is gayer than Liza Minelli’s cameo in the second Sex and the City movie.

She only came out for LGBT+ rights in 2018 during the mid-term elections over in the US and is now officially an ally. In all fairness, back in April, she donated $113,000 to the Tennesse Equality Project which lobbies for LGBT+ equality and celebrated Pride Month by donating an undisclosed but probably hefty sum to media advocacy organisation GLAAD. Guess the old, politically neutral Taylor actually is dead!

Here’s our breakdown of the queer celebrities that appear in Swift’s music video:

Her bestie Todrick Hall

 

Having graduated from the finishing school of self-produced YouTube music videos and parodies, Todrick is sticking his rhinestoned heels into the mainstream by getting an Executive Producer credit on this video. He previously appeared in the video for “Look What  You Made Me Do” as a backup dancer, so you KNOW his networking game is on POINT. 

Adam Rippon

 

A moment that brought a heart flutter to all those twink chasers out there, Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon in a mesh crop top serving snow cones. Swoon.

Jesse Tyler Furgeson and Justin Mikita

 

Re-enacting their super-cute wedding, real-life hubbies Jesse and Justin stand at the altar while protesters gate-crash their ceremony. Jesse famously took to the screen as one half of the gay couple featured on Modern Family, also fronting an equal-marriage campaign Tie the Knot which raised funds by selling adorable bow-ties. 

Cher

 

A not-so-subtle reference to that iconic interview where Cher shares a story where her mother wants her to marry a rich man… “Mom, I am a rich man.” In the same interview, she compares enjoying men to enjoying dessert, as in not spending months obsessively writing songs about them once you’re finished with them… Just saying.

Drag Race drag queens

 

Because they don’t exist outside of that show apparently. Taking centre stage is Drag Race alumn Jade Jolie who famously appeared as Swift during her season’s Snatch Game episode. It’s a pretty spot on impersonation to be fair to her. On each side of her are her fellow racer girls doing their best celebrity impersonations, from Ariana to Adele, before RuPaul crust over with a crown on a red velvet pillow. 

Laverne Cox

 

Trans woman of colour gave birth to the Pride movement that Taylor’s just now hopping on board of, so it’s good to see she featured at least one in her video. Cynicism aside, Laverne looks SICKENING in that tight sequin dress watering her plastic flamingos. Met Gala found rotting. 

Adam Lambert and Ellen Degeneres 

 

Oh, look! A millionaire getting tattooed on a trailer park! How droll. Sitting across from Freddie Mercury successor Adam Lambert, Ellen bites her nails as she gets tatted by the honorary Queen member.

Billy Porter

 

Stomping his way between the protesters and the protested, working that smock to filth in a bouncing afro and a fierce blue lip Porter is right at home. Having QUITE the media moment recently, he’s milking every moment that we’re blessed with his on-screen presence.

The Queer Eye queers

 

Spilling that British tea are we Mr France? We’re pretty sure that one evening binge-watching Netflix is why Swift felt compelled to hop on the Pride waggon. It’s an adorable show, but aren’t there gays out there doing more important things than a cute make-over show? Did Peter Tatchell not RSVP?

Ryan Reynolds

 

Yeah, we’re not sure why he’s there either.

Katy Perry

 

The video reaches its climax as Perry (dressed as a burger) and Swift (dressed as a portion of fries) bury the hatchet and reconcile, hugging in the midst of a food fight. It’s a touching message of unity in trying times, but are we just going to forget about the months of perpetuating the idea that women should be pitted against each other, and even at their most successful, women can’t help but get catty and bitchy? OKAY.

Check out Taylor Swift’s new music video HERE

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What’s on this week

Cheer Up gay club night at The Royal Vauxhall Tavern
Feel It gay club
Desi Pride at Circa LGBTQ+ club
Wrong Techno After Hours party
Gay drag shows at The Old Ship gay bar in London