Share this:

Mine was last week and it was (finally) great. For a very long time, I have always been under the influence of alcohol or something else. If not that, I would still buy some poppers in the UK and use those for some extra intensity. A few months ago, I became fed up with the states I got in. It did not just hurt me but also the people I cared for. Another thing I did not like is that I did things I normally would not do and half the time I couldn’t even remember what I did do. I thought what is the point in feeling like crap for a night I can’t even remember. I mean, I am better off using some male sex toys on my own without booze and remember it! 

Harder than I thought!

Stopping drinking was hard. I became more insecure and conscious about myself, doubting who I was when out and sober. The next confrontation was sex without alcohol. I simply could not remember when the last time was. The only occasions I would have adult fun without substances would be playing with myself and a gay dildo and a Fleshjack. And even then, I would most often use a bottle of Rush Poppers. To be honest, those experiences were better than my first sober sex session. I could not get into it and was constantly after that inhibition-clearing rush you get from alcohol, room aromas or other stuff. It is hard to describe but the desire to have something was greater than my motivation to get into the moment. For some time, I could not get on with sober sex. It requires being in the present and being with a person, feeling them and connecting with them. The interesting thing is that I thought I was doing that when intoxicated, it appears I was not. It was very much substances being in charge and not me. 

Fast forward a few months

It took me a few months to get back to really enjoying sex again. Yes, a few months. I know it might sound like a long time but honestly, it flew by. These days I have the occasional drink and nothing else. When I am on my own, I sometimes use poppers but when I am with another person, I am sober, and you know what, I love it! In fact, I prefer it. Sure, I miss the feeling of being under the influence whilst playing on occasion but not as much as I love being truly connected and present whilst having sex. I am talking about a real connection rather than the “greed” for action I used to feel. Another advantage is that you have an afterglow rather than a walk of shame. I have also been introduced to various interesting new elements. From BDSM, new sex toys and true role play. Even though it took a while I have my confidence and self-appreciation back. I am equally sexual as I used to be but have now become more sensual. It took a long time but for me, it was worth it. 

I would like to stress that the above only applies to me as it was my experience. I was just tired of being tired of myself and took charge. I am not tee-total and am not trying to put across a strong message. This is just how things went in my life. Sure, if this resonates and you feel the same, I can recommend trying what I did but in your own way. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. 

Each their own!

Everybody has their own walk in this thing called life and you call the shots. Do what works for you, only you know what the right balance is for you. If you find yourself struggling, there are many organisations that can be of help. All you need to do is give it a Google and take the next step, ask for help!

Thanks to esmale

Usually, I produce more product-orientated content on behalf of, the company I work for. I really felt like I wanted to write about my experience and share it. So, esmale, thank you for letting me.

With love

A member of 


What’s on this week