True story: Back in the mid-nineties (when I was working in a gay sauna), a guy comes in, and I think, Er, yes! He’s out of my league, but there’s something about him – a sensitivity/vulnerability/lack of confidence? – That makes me take a chance. I give him my number and go back to work. A week later, he calls. We meet for a drink and – long story short – we’re still together (now both in our 70s) after thirty-two years.
Happy ever after? Well, yes and no. Because in one sense – one very real sense – we’ve never been together at all. Because this guy (there’s always a catch, no?) was married. With Kids. And still is.
After all this time, I know just about everything there is to know about his life and family. You name it, I know it. But, as far as we can tell, they know nothing about me. Not even that I exist. Not even that the man they know and love – my partner and their husband/father/grandfather – is gay.
So, what would happen if my partner died? How would I know? Would anyone tell me? Or want to? Or even know where to find me? LEARNING HOW TO DIVE imagines this very situation and tells the story of how a grieving son discovers the truth about his dad’s sexuality and confronts his long-term lover.
We tried out a version of the first Act last year, and people liked it. A lot. But they wanted to know more about the wife. So now we’ve added a second Act that tells her story – of what she knew and when she knew it- and wonders why we still live in a world where fear can stop us from telling the truth – both to ourselves and to those we love.
A tender but unflinching look at the messy complexity of love, lies, loss and sexuality, LEARNING HOW TO DIVE tells the story of three people facing the reality of what it means to truly know someone.
We’d love you to come along. We’re proud of the show: a story of queer love that we think will resonate with queer – and particularly older queer – audiences.
The show lasts two hours, including an interval and an optional Q&A – a safe space for people to comment, reflect, and/or share their thoughts and experiences.
Apart from me, the cast includes two other queer actors, Darren Cheek (Regional Rep, West End) and Karen Spicer (Red Ladder, Graeae), directed by Willie Elliott (Gay Sweatshop, Red Shift) – that’s a combined age of 250 and nearly 150 years’ experience of making theatre with and for underrepresented audiences! See you there!
Cheers, Brendan Murray
Tickets are £18 / £12 (concessions) available at
Learning How To Dive runs from 10 – 21 February 2026 (Evenings: 7.30 pm/matinees: 3pm) at The White Bear Theatre, 138 Kennington Park Road, London SE11 4DJ.
It’s a great little venue above a gastro pub, and there’s a 10% discount on food if you book for the show.
Produced by Damn Cheek Productions CIC
www.damncheek.co.uk/productions/learning-how-to-dive/
For more information about Brendan Murray, visit
Review of Brendan Murray’s Previous Work:
One of the country’s most compassionate dramatists. THE GUARDIAN ****
Emotionally engaging… witty… astute… THE OBSERVER ****
The power of this show cannot be overstated. BROADWAYWORLD *****
Beautiful, uplifting and very, very tender. THE INDEPENDENT ****
An exquisite exploration of memory across the generations. WHATSONSTAGE *****
A bewitching mixture of half a dozen huge ideas. THE TIMES *****
