Gay men and their imaginary friends… by Patrick Cash
Gay men enjoy fantasies, you only have to look at the recent London Fetish Week to observe this fact. From sexy boys in their finest Adidas sportswear or little blue football shorts to leather and rubber PVC nights complete with slings and fearsomely sized dildos, a number of erotic fantasies were catered for in an environment where their participants could enjoy fulfilment without fear of external social retribution. Here men who might work in banks or push figures through the week got the chance to unleash their private thoughts and desires.
Sally wouldn’t know where to start with her story about last night’s Coronation Street. But then, it’s hardly likely that Sally from Accounts wouldn’t have been having her own idle fantasy at some point in the evening post-Corrie with a nice mug of cocoa. Though she’s never going to tell you either what she made Robert Downey Jr do with his Iron Man outfit.
Very few people talk about their private sexual fantasies, and if they do you assume they’re either foreign or a little unhinged. But fantasies infiltrate all areas of life, particularly gay life, far more than one might think. Firstly there’s the fantasy male – hard-bodied, good-looking, white teeth – smiling from every advert and poster in Soho, and indeed this very magazine.
Sex sells, or, more precisely, the suggestion of sex sells. Every time G-A-Y throw a school uniform night at Heaven that’s a concession to collective sexual fantasy – and not in a paedophilic way, but in the same way that there are straight school uniform nights thrown at hideous places known as Oceanas: school was the environment in which the majority of us consciously discovered the joys of sexuality. Donning a school shirt and tie is a momentary return to breathless sexual discovery and unbridled horniness.
Though, of course, it’s not. Only the least minority of eighteen-year-olds in Heaven that night might still be attending a secondary institution of education. Likewise, how many of the guys really play any sports at the sportswear nights? Do any actual chavs go to gay chav themed nights?
Would it be akin to clocking a scally lad with a shaved head, pierced ears and baseball cap, then having him open his mouth to order a drink in the best of Eton vowels? Does this matter? Perhaps most fantasies are loose enough to be successfully wrapped onto style over substance, or object over truth; only the khaki trousers matter, not the actual soldier; the policeman’s handcuffs are the sexiest part of the roleplay.
But if you lust after the aggressively heterosexual, those that you supposedly can’t have – which a vast amount of gay male fantasy still seems to be centred around – then rather than risking the seduction of a roaringly drunk marine, or hanging around hopefully outside prisons, fantasy nights seem to be the easiest way of exorcising insistent sexual tugs in an enjoyable and safe manner.
At least, here in the gay scene, people are more inclined to experiment at least in part with realising their erotic dreams. Because, on the other side of the spectrum, nursing and secreting desire to too large an extent can cause problems. The sexual repression of the back counties – where the housewives still lie back and think of England in the evenings and sit on washing machines on Thursday afternoons for a real thrill – is evident of this.
‘No sex please, we’re British’ goes the joke but of course we’re all sexual beings, it is wider society and vague ideas of religious morality that imposes restrictions and senses of guilt. Amongst the younger generations and gay population there is an easiness and openness with sexuality, inclusive of fantasy and pure enjoyment, that is viewed with fear and mistrust by the Daily Mail-wielding bastions of Tunbridge Wells. Yet, in Freudian terms, we are by far the more sexually healthy.
So, the moral of the story goes, if you have a fantasy lurking deep down, then explore it – as long as it doesn’t cause lasting harm to yourself or anybody else around you. (If it does then we at QX would discourage you from exploring said fantasy and to consider discussing these issues with a qualified counsellor or psychiatrist.)
More importantly, you should especially explore your fantasies with your partner – share, create and enact. Not only is it guaranteed to spice up your sex life, it should bring you closer together as well; research has shown that a large reason for relationships becoming staid or breaking up is due to an inherent sexual repression of desire and fantasy.
And, of course, when in doubt… there’s always porn.
