The Batshit Crazy Life of Lewis G Burton

Lewis G Burton is a concept. A destination. He’s sort of like what would happen if Ursula from The Little Mermaid had an illegitimate child with Leigh Bowery. The product of a sambucca and seawater fueled night out of Poseidon’s Tavern. Unfortunately, Poseidon’s Tavern isn’t a new gay venue you haven’t heard of. We made it up.

Anyway Lewis is a truly unique performer. To put it mildly, he’s eye-catching. We took him down to a bar in Hoxton and tied him to a pillar with pink latex bondage tape, then asked him some questions about life, drugs and gunge. The staff were a bit confused by it all. Well tough tits, we’re here to confuse people! Innit.

 


Hi Lewis! What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done after 2am? 

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I guess I do lots of weird things after 2am when I’m performing. Such as eating pigs’ hearts, ejaculating out of a fake vagina or covering myself in paint and rolling around the floor pretending to be Christina Milian in her Dip It Low music video.

Have you ever done anything on a Sunday morning? If so, what? 

I rarely get the chance to venture out on Sunday mornings, but if I’m not working I do enjoy visiting art galleries, or grabbing brunch with some girlfriends.

What would you rather eat – a worm the size of a hotdog, or a hotdog bun full of worms? 

I’ve done both before and I would do them both again. They’re tasty.

What, in your opinion, is the best drink in the world ever? 

Can’t go wrong with a jagerbomb (you can take the girl out of Newcastle, but not the Newcastle out the girl!) or a nice rum and cherry coke.

Should drugs be legalized? 

This is a toughie. I don’t think drugs should be legalized, but I think when we’re in schools, we need to be given proper education on what drugs do to you and how they affect you (not some bullshit scare tactics of ‘if you do drugs kids you’ll die’ – that doesn’t help anyone.) Everything affects everyone differently though, and moderation doesn’t exist for some people. Legalizing drugs could be detrimental to some people’s lives. People just need to be educated better on what they’re taking. The only drug I would really condone legalizing is marijuana. I have friends who have smoked their whole lives, and it helps them function and reduces anxiety.

What would be your ideal date? 

Ten grams of meph and a bottle of G with several other males in a council flat. No I’m joking, my ideal date would be anything involving dogs. I love dogs.

WHO would be your ideal date? 

I would love to go out on a date with Grace Jones. I adore her so much!

Give us a top Lewis G. Burton beauty tip! 

Beauty doesn’t really exist. It’s lots of subliminal advertising that you’ve been conditioned to think is beautiful. Embrace your flaws and imperfections, that’s my beauty tip!

Was it you who robbed Kim K? 

I am Kim K.

If you were a sea creature, which one would you be, and why? 

I am Ursula, duh!

Have you ever been gunged? 

No, but I’ve always wanted to be!

Which artist, alive or dead, do you admire most? 

Honey G from the X-Factor, she’s iconic.

Do you think the gay scene is dying? 

Isn’t everything dying with each passing second?

Which venue in London, alive or dead, is your favourite? 

I love so many spaces! It completely depends on who’s doing what in each space to create a good atmosphere. But if I had to pick one venue, it would definitely be Five Guys in Angel.

What’s your favourite sci-fi movie and why? 

I love really trashy sci-fi/horror mash-ups like Resident Evil and Underworld. I’ve watched them thousands of times. They make me feel warm on the inside.

Politics! Brexit! Theresa May! What do you make of it all at the moment? 

I’m really saddened by the whole Brexit thing and feel sorry for all my European friends that have been affected by it. But on the other hand, people are too complacent and comfortable. People need to do something about what’s going on. Theresa May is a cunt, she’s trying to get rid of the Human Rights Act and what are people going to do about it? Nothing. That’s what. It’s going to be too late before people get themselves in gear. There’s strength in numbers and together as a community we need to be working with each other to stand up for what we believe in. I mean we all have the right to basic human rights, right?

If you could perform with ANYONE in the world, who would it be? 

I would love to do a collaborative piece with Kate Bornstein, who is an author and activist. If you bitches don’t know who she is, you need to do some reading. She’s incredible.

Tell us about projects and stuff that you’re working on at the moment. 

I directed a porn movie not so long ago for a new TV series, which will be released in early 2017. I’m working with Kassandra Powell on her series of club nights under the name Maison Des Fous, and on October 15th we’ll be taking over a room at Egg London as part of their night called Kuntskammer. Over Halloween you can find me, A Man To Pet and Max Allen at Hoi Polloi doing a show entitled ‘Hanging out in Hell with death and other messed up zombies’ on the 29th and 31st of October. I’ll be performing with Sink The Pink on 28th October as part of their Halloween spooktacular, Freaky Friday. Last but not least, you can catch me DJing and performing at Maxi Moore’s SUNDAY FUNDAY: Spooky Vibez on Sunday 30th. As well as all of this I’ll be door whoring and performing at some of London’s underground techno parties. She’s a busy girl!

Give us a parting shot. Two sentences that sum up life according to Lewis G Burton!

Don’t be mean and treat other people the way you want to be treated. Hail Satan.

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