Gay Men’s Therapy launched at the beginning of this year. The title’s pretty simple, but given the current climate of gender debate and concerns about inclusivity, why did you chose it?
We wanted to create an accessible, specialist counselling and psychotherapy service for people who identify as men and who are attracted to men. Our two founders, Brigitte Friedrich and Rafi Hirsch have more than 40 years experience between them working with the Terrence Higgins Trust. They helped to found and run THT’s Connect Counselling Service for gay men.
Alexander Leon, an LGBT+ campaigner, said it well: “Queer people don’t grow up as ourselves. We grow up playing a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimise humiliation & prejudice.” We agree. The challenges faced by gay men, whilst on one level shared by any child or teenager struggling to establish themselves in the world, also include very specific qualities. The need to hide a fundamental aspect of who we find ourselves to be – our sexuality – is still the common reality. Acceptance has come a long way in the last few decades, but to be gay still goes against the assumption that “normal” equals heterosexual.
Knowing that there’s a need to keep something secret about ourselves must come from somewhere. It’s the tacit “No” embedded in society that will probably take generations to fully eradicate. In the meantime, men of all ages experience a kind of self-unacceptance that can easily lead to depression, addiction and isolation.
In many ways, there’s never been a better time to be gay. The community is highly active, massive achievements have been made by countless acts of courage and corporations are falling over themselves to align with the Prideful, rainbow-coloured band wagon. HIV is no longer a death sentence. This is all good. But down at the individual level, lives of “quiet desperation” are still being lived by gay men, even in this most permissive of the world’s societies. Chemsex for many equals gay culture. And a sense of being lonely in a crowd is still prevalent among the seemingly successful gay glitterati.
Fortunately there are now more services available to gay people of all kinds than ever before. We hope that Gay Men’s Therapy adds to the offering, by specialising in a way that’s most helpful to gay men of every background and age.
https://www.gaymenstherapy.org.uk/
