Every Monday evening, for the past 13 years, a diverse and vibrant group of gay/bi/trans men have gathered together at the Friends Meeting House near Trafalgar Square to sit in quiet contemplation and practice mindfulness and Loving Kindness meditation to reduce stress, promote joy, well-being and a build a sense of community. After starting in 2009 with a handful of men the group built up to a vibrant community with often over 40 men meditating together before covid led to it going online.
The teacher, Nick Kientsch, is a long-time Buddhist practitioner with 30 years’ experience, including 6 years as a Buddhist monk. In a calm and grounding voice, Nick guides the men to find some peace by focusing their attention on their bodies and breath. These simple-to-follow meditation instructions have dramatic benefits to psychological and physical well-being and support people as they go through therapy, 12 step programmes, a break up or simply looking for some peace of mind and happiness. This is not a space to escape from the demands of life, but to learn the resilience to be able to thrive no matter what life may throw at us.
Undeterred by the COVID-19 lock-down, Nick moved the meditation sessions online, determined to keep the group going as a supportive space. For 14 months these sessions offered a lifeline for many men in the UK and abroad as they felt the isolation of the lockdowns. The group has now returned to in-person meetings offering the chance to build community here in London.
Benefits of In Person Meetings V Zoom
Fiorenzo came to the group just as it went online in 2020. He says, “Zoom meetings were an anchor in my life during the pandemic…the meditation practice helped with anxiety and isolation”.
After more than 2 years of isolation and seeing each other through a screen, the in-person sessions that restarted in August 2021 are more connecting and grounding than ever. “The live sessions have been the sails in my life post-lock-down! Meeting in person helps me feel more cantered and relaxed,” says Fiorenzo.
Joe, who joined the group in February 2020, agrees: “Zoom is great, but connecting face to face adds several more dimensions to the experience…the community all just feels so much more real, being in a physical space together.” Asked what he enjoys most about the group Joe said: “It’s a way to be part of a wider community. Alcohol free. For different generations to mix and share time together. A real family feel. And also I like how it always stay fresh with its mix of regulars and new people. It’s great to know I’ll see some familiar faces every Monday.”
Stress and mental hath in gay/bi/trans men: an antidote to minority stress
“Loneliness, minority stress, ageism, addictive behaviour and mental health issues impact many gay men disproportionately,” says Nick. “When you add the impact of COVID-19 on levels of stress, loneliness and the impact on people’s confidence to socialise, post-lock down spaces where queer men can practice mindfulness, care for themselves, and build community have become a matter of survival for many.”
Peter came to the group for the first time in December 2022. He says: “I came to the class a little bit scared that it will be hard for me to turn off my brain for two hours. However I’m glad that I accepted this challenge. The flowing structure of the session with meditative parts, sharing among the participants and listening to Nick’s nice words prevented me from falling into any commotion. The colour, texture and intensity of his voice has a very calming quality. Two hours flew fast and I’d have even asked for more. After this touching experience I’ll integrate Mindfulness Meditation into my regular practice.”
Nick Kientsch arrived in London in 2005 aged 35 after a life of monastic and community living. He found there was an absence of safe spaces for gay/bi/trans men to practice feeling connected to themselves and their communities away from the pressures of the gay scene, and ever since then Nick has been committed to creating this kind of safe space where queer men find support and heal, setting the meditation group up in 2009.
Nick said: “Meditation saved my life. When I was feeling so low I was contemplating ending things it was my meditation practice that kept me going. This is why I’m so eager to share this with others because I know meditation can transform difficulties and give new perspectives and simply helps us to feel happier, more content and more purposeful in the choices we make.”
Learning to feel safe in a male space
“Many of us grew up feeling alone, and male groups were felt to be threatening”, says Nick about the benefit of meeting in a men’s group, “We often bring this fear into gay social spaces, and meeting in a sober space where it’s possible to experience a new, nurturing and connected experience of being with other men is very nourishing”.
The Gay/Bi/Trans men’s meditation group meets every Monday from 7 – 9 pm at the Friends Meeting House, 52 Saint Martin’s Lane. Nearest tube: Charing Cross or Leicester Square.
