Spring is the time when London is actually supposed to experience its maximum rainfall, so, as we like to be prepared at QX, here is your queer guide to what to do when it’s raining in London. Just because it’s raining on your pride parade doesn’t mean you should lock yourself indoors to swipe yourself to the end of Tinder! Get out there. There’s still plenty to get up to even when it’s chucking it down.
Always ones to look on the sunny side, we here at QX have decided to get you out in your galoshes, and tell you what YOU should be getting up to when the heavens open up. And if your skint at the moment because, let’s face it, our government has done such a lousy job at running this shit-show, there are still, believe it or not, some things to do in London for FREE.
Let’s go to the PUB!
Just like dandelions, grass and… er… other plants, and the environment (maybe), rain is also exactly why PUBS exist. The British pub is a worldwide phenomena due to the fact that it rains here. A lot. You’d probably develop trench foot if we were famous for British beach bars. They have everything you could ever need in there. Dartboards and pool tables to keep you exercised (kind of), loads of yummy bloaty beer on sale all day (#LiquidBreakfast) and they’re full of people to fall wildly in love with. Sure this is London, and you feel like you’ve done a hit of poppers upon finding out that your pint is £7, but who cares. When dinner’s £20, you’re actually saving money when opt to have two pints instead. That’s basic economics.
Check out what’s on at your local gay bar: https://www.qxmagazine.com/events/category/gay-bars/
Wear a white blouse and run around barefoot
This IS your romance novel, and you can live like Danielle Steel is writing your biography. Feel the wind sweeping through your hair, battering against your smooth pink skin as you run down the glade where your feet sink into the damp soil, toes toiling in the earth, as you stretch your arms skyward and breath out “I. Am. Free!!”. Or not, up to you.
Walk around listening to Mad World
“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces”. This is the poetry of the early naughties where life was grey and gloomy and everything took place on a cold basketball court. You didn’t really understand Donnie Darko but this song, THIS SONG, you understood completely.
There were those afternoons at the keyboard trying to get the piano part down as you planned to upload a cover to MySpace, as you flick your fringe to one side like you’d developed a tick. Now this song is the soundtrack to your every breakup, and you head out looking full Slim Shady in a damp grey sweater with your earphones in. “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had”, now THOSE are some rainy day lyrics.
Head to a gallery, dear.
You know that awkward potato smile, and jolting nod you force yourself to make every time someone makes reference to a painter you’ve never heard of? That doesn’t need to happen, Sandra. Go look at the pretty pictures, and memorise some names. With any luck you’ll spot a penis or two. There are so damn many to choose from here in the British capital, from old crap to really old crap, to some squiggles on a canvas. If you’re not that into art, here’s what you do: Fill a hip flask with some cheap, nasty vodka, head over to the Tate and find the simplest squiggle you can, stand in front of it, and take a big ‘ol gulp every time someone utters those eternal words, “I could do that”. You’ll be leaning face first into a Picasso before you know it!
Experience queer art: https://www.qxmagazine.com/events/category/art/
Let’s all go to see a gay movie.
OMG, gays. Did you know that people use to go out to a specific place to watch films? Well those places are still going! You may not know this but the latest Marvel film is actually way more enjoyable when you’re watching it as the director intended. We know that those damn cinema snacks cost an arm and a leg, but those security guards are not there to see if your bulging trousers are packed full of Haribo’s and tiny gin bottles.
All Of Us Strangers starring Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal in UK cinemas from 26 Jan ’24
Go to a cafe and read an LGBTQIA+ book.
If you can read, that is. In the age of Instagram and 280 characters, you can’t be too sure. Of course, we don’t mean that you actually head to a cafe and read. This is a cunning ploy to do some much needed leering! Get yourself one of those window seats at the Joe and the Juice on Old Compton St and watch the queens wade by. It’s like a big gay fish tank. If a particularly attractive young gentleman were to walk by, you can press yourself up against the glass in a bid to get him to fall madly in love with you. And why wouldn’t he!? You’re an intellectual reading a GODDAMN BOOK! With words in it and everything!
Queer Cafes …
https://www.cornernewcross.com/
There are some great queer book titles that we should all have on our book bucket list.
And finally … when was the last time you went to the theatre? Have you even been to the theatre?
London is one of the queer theatre centres of the planet. From fringe to the West End, London has so many queer delights going on stage every night of the week, with matinees during the day. An afternoon matinee is perfect for a rainy day!
https://www.qxmagazine.com/area/best-lgbtqi-gay-theatre-in-london/
