Cum In A Hot Gay Sauna was updated January 2022.
Ever since the Greeks discovered that you could cop a feel in the hot tub and meet Mr Right Now without much fuss, a visit to a hot gay sauna has remained part of gay culture for thousands of years.
So, why do some of us still have hang-ups about going to them today? Let’s face it, they provide a safe environment to meet other guys in, there are free condoms and lube provided, you get to meet the men you fancy without losing hours online and judge the chemistry straight away – no fake Grindr pics here, nor turning up on a doorstep to be greeted by a moose.
Oh yes, saunas really have so many benefits for all sorts of reasons. And so, to help you negotiate the many options available to us in London – the world’s ‘Greatest Gay City’ (coz QX said so, innit) – here’s our sauna guide. Enjoy!
5 THINGS TO BRING
For the vending machine – all that pumping away is thirsty work.
- Phone Charger}
There’s a possibility that in all the darkness you’ll lose track of time – or even days. The journey home without iMusic will be hell.
- Spare underwear
Better to be safe than sorry – #JustSaying
- Chewing Gum
There’s nothing worse than pulling a bloke with rimming breath.
¨Saunas are places where guys come to jerk off, not marry off.¨
10 TIPS TO PERFECT SAUNA ETIQUETTE
1. Getting creative with your towel, will not get you laid…
We’ve seen sauna towels turned into everything from high-waisted pencils to crop skirts more revealing than a Paris Hilton g-string. And flashing your Angelina leg through the slit on your ‘skirt’ just makes everyone else want to sew their slits up.
2. The same goes for towel weave…
As fierce as you may feel when you step out of the shower with a towel twisted into an Amy Winehouse beehive, that shit is NOT gonna fly in Pleasuredrome – it really doesn’t – we’ve tried!
3. Flip-flops are the crocs of the sauna world
Not only do they give the impression that a bitch is way too prepared for that shit, they’re also unsightly. No.
4. What happens in the sauna, stays in the sauna……
Unless, of course, it’s something totally hilarious or scandalous, in which case get names and update your Facebook status/sex blog ASAP. Just be prepared to be a social pariah for a short while after.
5. Avoid husband-searching…
Saunas are places where guys come to jerk off, not marry off. These men want cock, not cuddles. It’s a haven of quick lays and even quicker orgasms – so don’t be surprised if the only proposal you get is ‘sit on my face?’ – but it’s still a ring right? Similarly, chasing down that number like a mad Britney fan after an autograph will kill his erection quicker than your towel weave.
6. Take naps in a cabin, not in the lounge area
The last thing we want to see when we’re trying to catch up on the latest episode of Loose Women is a pair of testicles stuck to the pleather sofa.
7. Actually why are you napping in a sauna at all?
If you need to sleep don’t be a cheap bitch and go get a hotel – your snoring arse is getting in the way of people fucking! There’s a Travelodge for your zzzzzing needs.
¨If you need to sleep don’t be a cheap bitch and go get a hotel¨
8. Grooming is essential
Not only is it a total embarrassment if your pubes are longer than your penis, but sporting a beard that blends into back hair, as you relax in the steam room, will make you look like an extra from ‘Gorillas in the Mist’.
9. Conduct oneself appropriately
The only thing less glamorous than ending up in the medic room of an after-hours nightclub is being carried out of a sauna cubicle while hanging off the cock of a tubby troll with used condoms stuck to your back. Have fun, play safe and respect yourself.
10. Pack your shades
It may not be the same as Britney stumbling out of a downtown LA nightclub with her beef curtains on show – but alas – after hours of steamy fun, you may be looking more than a little dishevelled on leaving. And while it may be 3am when you arrive, it’s always gonna be daylight when you leave. Protect yourself from the morning glare (and passing commuter’s stares).
South London Hot Gay Sauna
The Vauxhall branch proves popular with everyone from randy ravers to trashy Trishas – but is a lot of fun! Pumping tunes and equally pumping blokes. Two saunas, two steam rooms and a hot tub.
Open 12pm to 8am Monday to Thursday, then 12pm to 8am Monday.
Rail Arches 63-64, SE1. Mon-Thurs midday-8am. Fri-Mon 24hrs www.chariots.co.uk
In Kennington you’ll find a variety of different nights (and men) going down in this underground lair. If you’d rather see the product before giving it a taste, every last Saturday on the month is butt naked!
Open 11am to 12am Monday to Thursday, 24 hrs Friday to Sunday (closes midnight Sunday)
8 Cleaver Street, SE11 4DP. Mon-Thurs 11am-midnight. Fri-Sun 24hrs www.lockerroomsauna.com
Central London Hot Gay Sauna
Another one of London’s saunas open 24/7 – like some of the clientele. It’s tres modern, and there’s plenty of cubicles for private fun (at an extra charge), a stainless steel spa, huge steam and spa rooms, a licensed bar. What more do you want?
Open 24hrs all week.
Arch 124 Cornwall Road, Waterloo, SE1 8XE. Open 24hrs
Hidden in the heart of Soho, you can ditch your shopping bags for ball bags – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Monday’s attract a much younger clientele, so if you like your chicken with a side of (man) juice – it could prove the perfect cure to Monday Blues. Foam parties happen for the very dirty boys on Wednesday – check listings for details.
As of January 2022, every Monday and Thursday, 8am-Midnight. FREE entry for under 25s with ID! Naked workouts on a Sunday. All key workers (blue light card holders) get in free on a Tuesday, 10am-2pm.
Open 24hrs all week.
Ramillies House, 1-2 Ramillies Street, W1F 7LN. Open 24hrs www.sweatboxsoho.com
East London Hot Gay Sauna
Limehouse´s Sailors Sauna is a sexy, salubrious port in the choppy waters of London’s gay scene, now with a roof garden!
Open Sunday to Friday 11am too 11pm. Friday to Saturday 11am to 8am.
570-574 Commercial Rd, E14 7JD www.sailorssauna.com
Out Of Town Hot Gay Sauna
They’ve got branches in Darlaston (Birmingham), Newport and Luton. The Darlaston branch is the biggest sauna in the midlands with more facilities than you can shake your cock at and it’s even open on Christmas Day –who wants to stuff a turkey?
Check gay-sauna.com for details of Darlaston, Newport and Luton saunas.
Base and Basement Saunas
If you’d rather head oop North than dahhn Sarf, then look no further than Base and Basement Saunas, a salaciously successful chain of steamy venues across Manchester, Leeds and Newcastle. All three cities have brilliant and/or burgeoning gay scenes, and all four venues enjoy lots of traffic from all sorts of guys wanting to take a load off (insert “load” joke here).
Basement Manchester is at 18 Tariff Street, Manchester M1 2FN
Base Manchester is at 38 Sackville Street, Manchester M1 3WA
Base Leeds is at Arch 7, Heaton Court, Leeds LS1 4LJ. www.base-leeds.com
Base Newcastle is at 85-89 Blandford Street, Newcastle NE1 3PZ